The Blond Gets in the CarMature

"Well, um, I guess so," it sighed hesitantly. "Could you wait a minute while I get my things?"

"Of course, Darling. Take all the time you need. I'll just pull up over here." I used my folksiest voice. It was at least twenty years younger than I was, and I liked that it probably felt safer with an older man than a frat boy. I could see it behind me, gathering up a coat, purse, and whatever else might be used to identify it. The blonde dutifully locked its car, and turned slightly toward my truck. i saw it hesitate, then make the sign of the cross before coming around to my passenger side.

Good, i smiled, it said its prayers. i had a pair of red rosary beads in the glove compartment, as it happened. 

It opened the door and hopped in. It was slight, well-built, with long, blonde hair. The average frat boy would have done cartwheels to get into its pants. I was doing all of them a favor, taking this blonde out of their sight.

But i do my job only for the fun it brings me, and i could see that this blonde would be fun. I could probably snap her in half like a twig. That'd be a new method. It excited me to think of that.

"Thank you so much," the blonde spoke sweetly. "I broke down about two hours ago and I haven't seen a single car since."

"Oh, now that just breaks my heart," I had a little country twang in my voice. "Here, Darling, you must be right thursty," I reached into the truck's cooler and got out a water bottle."

"Oh, thank you, sir." It took the bottle, uncapped it, and swallowed more than half in a single swig. That excited me, too.

"You can just cut that 'sir' talk. My friends call me Frank." 

"Oh, I'm Mindy." It smiled up at me. "I just need to get to the nearest service station. I think there's one up there." It pointed.

"I should think you could've walked there in two hours," I said. Blondes are as stupid as they say.

"Well, I suppose I would've, if I thought it would actually be two hours."

"That's a good point," I lied. I turned left.

"Oh, but the service station is back that way," Mindy quivered.

"I'm not going that way."

"Could you just drop me off here?"

"Now, Mindy, that doesn't look so safe," I shook my head. "Let me just drop off this rug and then we can take of you."

"Um," it gulped, "No, really, it's okay. I could walk to the service station."

"Yeah," I nodded, pulling into a deserted field where I knew the truck would be well-hidden behind the overgrown grass. "That's definitely what you should have done."

"You're - you're the guy on the news. The Carpet Killer."

"See, that makes me sound like some sort of mess on a carpet, or else a cleaning product. I guess I kind of am a cleaning product, in way." i had my hand firmly on its shoulder as I opened the glove compartment, removing a gun and the red rosary beads. "Now, we're gonna get out of the truck and have some fun."

The End

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