I walk through the halls, feeling invisible. People bump into me and shove me towards the walls. I go through all my classes looking out the window and dreaming of a better life. Outside the rain falls softly and silently, blessing the flowers with the first sight of rain in 2 months. I sigh and look around the class. The teacher is talking and pointing at the board, talking about something that we will never need in life. The girls pass notes and whisper amongst themselves as the boys kick each other from under the tables. I sit in the back and contemplate the energy in the room. Happy people with happy thoughts. The bell rings and everyone gets their bags and rush out the door.
I grab my bag and walk out the room, towards lunch. the halls are full of energy and everyone is joining their friends. I go through the lunch line and buy myself a bag of chips and a coke. I walk out into the hallway and look around. The teachers were in the teachers lounge so the never noticed me walking down the halls and past the classes towards my secret place. Most people look at the school map and see the rooms and the courtyard up in the front. What no one payed attention to was the second smaller courtyard hidden in the middle of the school. According to the map there were no doors leading to the courtyard, but after wondering around for some time I found it. It was located in the second floor, in a hallway that no one used. The second floor was barely used so the door was easy to find.
I climb upstairs and walk down the hallways arriving at the door. I open it and the fresh smell of dirt and water fills my lungs. A ladder leads down towards the ground. I climb down and step onto soft grass, walking towards the stone path cutting around the courtyard. In the middle of the courtyard is a small pond and around the pond are small stone benches. There is a weeping willow to the side and rose bushes and other flowers around the center. I sit under the willow and let the leafs protect me from the drizzle and stay there, doing nothing. The branches touch the ground and make a little room under the leafs. everything here had been overgrown when I had first found it. I had stayed after school for a whole week to fix the whole garden, from pulling weeds, to planting more flowers, to cleaning the pond and getting fish and lilies for it. I had loved the willow from the first time I saw it.
The willow shielded me from the cold of the night when I knew that going home wasn't an option. I could stay at school and no one would know. There were no cameras in the second floor due to no one going there and no cameras in the courtyard due to no one knowing that it even existed. I would stay here for the rest of the day. I lean against the willow and put the earbuds in. I close my eyes and let the music wash over me. The sweet smell of flowers and the drizzle slowly calmed me as I thought about going home. No, I shouldn't. My dad would be waiting for me at home, probably already drunk. I sigh and shiver, feeling my body go cold. I wrap my jacket around me tighter and curl up into a ball. Even though I hate myself for it, I feel tears come out and slide down my face slowly. Soon enough I am sobbing, hard gasps for air and sniffles, all pleading for my mom, all knowing that my mom will never be back, all knowing that it was too late, and it was all my fault.