I've never loved first impressions, mostly because I'd fail at it because I have -what my mother says I have- social anxiety, and I can never really get the hand of meeting (or even going near) a large group of people. (And if you're asking how I got it, ask Aubree Cook, she should know since she was the one to torture me everyday) I outgrown the anxiety attacks ever since I started sophomore year (hence, explaining how I got through that huge group of people in the front of the school) but I still get nervous and sputter words out whenever I try to impress someone for the first time. Which meant that I was completely dreading to go up in front of the class and say my name like in those cliche anime's.
I had 15 minutes before 1 period started so I stopped at the office to get my schedule, hoping that I had my favorite teacher for my first period; and as if karma had heard me herself, I had math first period with Mr. Calvin. I mentally groaned as I wandered around and try to find my locker, while I wandered through the hallways I acted oblivious the the stares I got every time I turned a corner. Don't get me wrong, it felt good for people to actually notice me but I secretly hated it, I wasn't one to just go and say hi to a stranger like other people, it would usually take me a week, tops. So automatically it made me much more shy and timid and also made me much more unapproachable to other people on the other side.
I rolled my eyes and tried to get myself focus on my revenge plan. I wasn't here to make me feel better about myself, I was here to make Justin's life a living hell and make him regret laughing in my face after I pulled all of my courage and feelings into the confession. What is wrong with me and acting like a anime/ manga character today?! After floating to my locker and struggling with the lock I finally got it open (with 5 minutes to spare) and went around trying to find either Justin or Aubree. Not to be a stalker or anything, I just wondered if they had changed over the years -correction, if Justin changed, of course I didn't expect anything better from Aubree. Not even a sliver for her.
I failed of course and felt that they were avoiding me on purpose. After pondering that thought I had finally concluded that I was just really unlucky. I soon then found myself with only 2 minutes to go back to my locker, get my stuff, and run to my first class. I cursed at my airheadedness while dashing down the hall, only to have 30 seconds to spare, I congratulated myself on my all-time-record and surveyed my surroundings carefully, picking out familiar faces and faces I haven't met before; but none barred the face of Justin Lee, not even close. "Hey you, sit down, unless you have something to ask me," Crap.
I grimaced before turning around to come face to forehead to my most hated teacher in this school, Mr. Calvin. Once I laid my eyes on him it was hard not to contain the laugh that was too much to handle. With his small eyes that looked like he squinted all the time, big nose, large ears, and small stature, he himself looked like those people (mostly creatures) in books I read in a day that I have to wait a whole frickin year for the sequel. Its hard to love series people.
I gave him my best smile, ignoring the temptation to say to him "how's the weather down there?" in my flats that still towered over him. "Are you deaf? go to your seat," I bit my tongue and refused to call him an ugly goblin, "I'm new," I hissed through clenched teeth that seemed like the only thing from keeping me from blurting mean things. His eyes got relatively big and a evil grin spread across his face. Mr. Calvin grabbed my wrist and pulled me up to the front of the class, like throwing me into a group of rabid, hungry animals; he grinned like he got high off of seeing kids get eaten alive in high school. I bet he was one of the teachers that laughed with Aubree and the other people that bullied me, maybe that's why he ignored how I was treated in math class.
He struck a newspaper against his desk and shouted, "Settle down kids!" I gulped and tightly gripped the books that were close to my heart. "We have a new kid and I want you to make her feel welcomed," I felt all the eyes on me, it burned, each and everyone of theirs. Soon I would see them engraved in my skin. "Hi, my name is, uh, Charlotte Black, I just moved here from Florida," By the way, I'm seeking revenge from the people that ruined my life. I gave them a curt smile and bit my lip hoping that they wouldn't know that I was actually Charlotte White, that I was Charlotte the Harlot; but secretly, I wished that someone would jump up from the seat and actually proclaim that I am Charlotte White. That would tell me that someone actually remembers me, that at least one person knows who I am, I hung to that wish with my life.
But no one jumped to their feet. No one shouted. They all said hi in unison in a dull monotone tone and some smiled when they did. No one knew that I had died behind that fake smile of mine, and no one would ever know until my death bed. I shuffled to my seat at the back of the class and avoided the small glances from some of the guys and girls. I didn't care either way if they were judging me already; I had already gotten emotionally blind, something that wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to care that nobody remembered me, but I did, and it hurt, badly. Badly enough for me to tune out to Mr. Calvin's voice and completely go into my own world; which was weird for a person like me that loves to learn and study.
Math ended, and thankfully I understood the whole lesson so I could totally get depressed the whole period, not like that's a good thing. The next periods weren't interesting at all, I still haven't found Justin or Aubree which was weird since I'd think I'd at least pass them in the hall's, but I guess I'll see them later. Nerves settled into my stomach, But what am I gonna do when lunch comes?! I still haven't made ONE friend yet! When will I ever stop doubting myself? I just have to stop thinking, that's it!
Ok, I shook my head to distract me from my feelings, I had 5 minutes to get to my locker, and go to- I took a glance at my schedule and felt the corners of my mouth turn slightly upwards. I felt like tearing up as I pressed the ordinary half piece of paper to my heart. This was finally it, what I have been waiting for the most today; besides 'seducing' Justin I got to go to my favorite class with my favorite teacher, Ms. Carson. If people saw me they would think I was weird, not saying I wasn't before but much, MUCH more crazier. The reason why people would think I was weird is that once I knew about my 4th period class, I skipped to my locker (getting some weird glances from some people) and skipped to room 212. Sadly, the teacher was nowhere to be found which left me heart broken and pouting; blocking the door for people that wanted to pass.
"Um, excuse me?" That voice. Even though it had gotten deeper, I could name that voice as quick as light. I spun around, ready bat my eyes at Justin but came eye to eye with a girl. I felt my face heat up as I scrambled to move out of the way and letting the deep voice sounding girl pass; "I'm such an idiot! I thought that was a guy!" I whispered out loud. "I'd keep that to yourself, she's known to pick fights with anyone who makes fun of her voice," I noted annoyingly at the unfamiliar deep voice that had just addressed me. "Thanks for the hint but I can survive on my-
I couldn't finish my sentence.
He leaned calmly against the frame of the door, a grin had spread across his face like wildfire; it was contagious and I found myself giving him a smile right back. Suddenly, I realized that upon his arrival, my heart started beating faster that usual; which started to freak me out. My eyes traced his tall, lean and slender figure, from his beach blonde hair down to his worn out blue converse. His warm blue eyes stared into mine with such intensity I knew that if he stared down at me any longer; I would faint like I would faint from awkwardness when telling a non-fandom person I "ship" two people. I took a deep breath, inhaling his overly strong "manly" cologne. Naturally, from a clumsy and socially awkward person like me; I found myself nearly gagging on the powerful scent.
"-own," I finally finished my sentence. The boy, who I can now call Justin -yes, that the Justin Lee- threw up his hands in a defensed way, "Just helping you out!" before I could reply the bell rung calling us to your seats (ironically I sat right next to him!) while I tried to figure out why I didn't bat my eyes like I was supposed to. Great! Now Brigitte's going to say I was blinded by beauty, even though I was-AM over him!! "Good morning class, hope you're having a relatively nice day!" my eyes widened as her voice angelic carried through out the class; bringing life in my ears. I straightened out my shirt, straightened out my posture, and looked my best as Ms. Carson strode into the room with her famous brown boots that went up to her knee's.
She was effortlessly beautiful. Her long blonde hair waved and slid down her thin frame in a way that made me envy hair a way I've never before. Her deep emerald green orbs scanned around the room, as if looking for someone; I wasn't that shocked when her eyes landed on me even though it gave me a hypnotized feeling whenever I gazed into them. When I was still Charlotte White, I always thought that Ms. Carson was the prettiest woman I've ever known (I honestly think prettier than my own mother); not only was -is- she beautiful, she's also smart, wise, and really kind. "You must be Charlotte! I am Ms. Carson, I especially hope you're having a nice first day here at Riverdell High, you'll come to like our public school seeming as you-
she took a glance at the binder full of papers sticking out
-came from a private school before," I didn't let out that I was confused and annoyed, Really? That's what my mother had to come up with? Private school?! How am I going to answer a question about the name of it and stuff?! "Thanks," I answered nicely, a smile forming on my face, "Just because Charlotte arrived to our school, I am going to let you guys just chat with the people sitting next to you because I'm now I'm in a really good mood!" Everyone sprang up (as if they were drained of life before) and annoyingly started to talk to the people next to them, asking them if they "watched the football game yesterday" or if they wanted to "go to Express later after school because I totally found this really cute top with white sequins!!" I sighed but stiffed up once Justin turned from his conversation with a guy named Ty to talk to me.
"So you lived in Florida before?" I gulped and nodded, hoping that he couldn't see my nervousness, he paused and studied me for a second while I silently kissed my genius revenge plot goodbye, he opened his mouth, "Aren't the Miami Dolphin's great?!" I could finally exhale without caution, it was usual how Justin would talk about football; it make me feel like he hadn't changed at all. Wait, isn't that bad? "They're ok, I don't really pay attention to football, but I do like soccer," I sneered evilly as his grinned widened; hook, line and sinker. "You love soccer too?! God! It feels great to finally have my prayers answered for someone to talk with me about soccer! Surprisingly, I didn't expect god to send a pretty girl that doesn't look like she can even watch anything else on t.v. except for Gossip Girl and other girly shows," I ignored the feminist insult and smirked.
"You'd be surprised with other things I'm interested in, you shouldn't judge a girl by her cover Justin," his grin faded and he raised his brow, "How do you know my name? I never told you it," my ears heated up and I was tongue-tied, my voice caught in my throat, "I-I heard s-someone else say i-it!" Thankfully, Justin didn't say anything else and was suddenly caught up with continuing the conversation with Ty. Justin rudely waved him away and leaned in closer to me, I really needed to speak louder if I didn't want my face to turn like a firetruck. "What're you interested in then?" I smiled evilly. It was as easy as pie, if you were me when you had nothing else to do but study your crush every moment you got you'd think it was easy too; it was like every single thing that streamed out of my mouth poisoned his thoughts and made me even more attractive to him.
He liked comics; that was one thing we had in common, and he loved soccer; but we already got that in the bag, one thing of several things that has changed was his taste of music; he says that he likes My Chemical Romance but I bet he's still "fangirling" over Green Day, while I'm still in love with Trading Yesterday and Secondhand Serenade. Soon, our little free time was over and I prayed that I gave him the best impression and hoped that I was alluring enough for him.
"Alright, for our poetry unit, I want you guys to write a poem; it must be at least 1 and a half pages long," Ms. Carson gave us a heavenly smile, "and before you guys groan, I'm letting you include the spaces between each stanza and letting you guys write the whole period," she continued. "As usual, the best poem will get the most points and will be sent to the National Poetry Month Contest," my eyes beamed and I hurried to grab out a piece of paper, I let my fingers take control as it moved across the white sheet set in front of me.
Letting it write out the word 'neglect'.