How to Join the Circus

First, we must address Rule No. 1 before we can proceed with this most sensitive topic. To truly join anything, one must act the part.

An example:

To truly join an insane aslyum, one must act insane. You see, being a nurse at an aslyum just doesn't cut it. You're not truly there; it's just your place of work.

Same thing with the circus. It must be more than your place of work. Truly join the circus or stay at home and don't even bother.

How to Act the Part:

- Learn to eat fire. It may hurt at first, but practice makes perfect, remember?

- Pick up an OJD. (Obsessvie Juggling Disorder). Then juggle everything you find: knives, forks, tea cups, kitchen appliances, eggs, burning logs, gerbils, etc...

- Wear clashing colors, polka dots, and baggy clothing. If you're really keen, wear clothing baggy enough to contain a few balloon animals and a pump. Just be careful where they're concealed.

- Dye your hair colors not normally found in nature...or anywhere near society for that matter.

- Drag a pet dog around with you that is actually stuffed and smells like old carpets.

- Walk on stilts wherever you go. Insist that you can just duck when you go through doors, and then actually go through second story windows.

- Whenever you bounce on a trampoline, flap your arms.

- Paint your face with pastels so that you have a permanent smile and eyes on top of your eyelids.

- Pick up a VOSED. (Vocal Onomatapaiea Sound Effect Disorder). Do the sound effects to every action that every person does.

- Make plucking and dripping sounds with your cheek and finger whenever someone enters the room.

- Always use the window to enter a building. Restaurants included.

- Start random cha-cha lines in busy public places.

- Whenever you eat something spicy, blow smoke out of your ears and fire out of your mouth. This will take some practice.

- If ever you fall down, you must land spread-eagle.

- Wear a squirt flower on your chest at all times. In case of emergency, fill hidden pouch with pepper spray.

- Unicycle to work. (Assuming you still have a job after the first few steps.)

- Walk on your hands whenever you see children. Therefore avoid children unless you're feeling energetic.

- Imitate your neighbor's pets whenever they take them for walks.

- Take advantage of the cityscape for acrobatics. Use the demolition crane as a rope swing, traffic lights as the high beam, clotheslines as the high wire, and moving vehicles as bulls. You don't need to wear the color red for that last one.

- Take a bath in a park fountain. Remember to bring eighteen and a half rubber duckies.

And lastly:

- Find a circus that will feed you more than hot dogs with moldy relish.

The End

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