The Fugue at Work

With a title of this magnitude (and obscurity), this section will address two aspects of The Fugue at Work.

How a Fugue Actually Works

First off, it may assist the reader to know what a fugue actually is.  A fugue is basically a complicated, embellished round.  For example, you and three friends could begin to sing "Row Row Row Your Boat" in a round (the main melody is called the "subject"), and then change up the melody and harmonies a bit (this embellished section is called an "episode."  Fugues often have several episodes, being rather emotional creatures).

Congratulations.  You are now ready to proceed with the next section.

Taking the Fugue to Work

- If you're the type who likes to work off something planned, put together a fugue related to your particular profession.  If you prefer to be more spontaneous, proceed immediately to the next step

- Track down/beg/bribe coworkers to fugue with you.  If they will not immediately join to appease you, fall to you knees and cry out in a loud, overly-dramatic voice, "I'M HAVING A FUGAL EPISODE!!!"  It is advisable to be surrounded by as many people as possible in this situation.

- If you have your fugue on paper, take about fifteen minutes to rehearse with your fellow fuguers.  If you are going to follow your creative genius on the fly, brief your fuguers on the subject of your fugue, then tell them to wing it.

- Plan to perform your fugue around an important and/or rather stressful event: important customers coming into the office, trying to bring in a spun-sugar sculpture during a rainstorm, the monthly employee card-house contest, etc.  It can be any event of the fuguers' choosing.  It is advisable that there are as many people as possible in the performance space.  If need be, go out onto the street beforehand and bring in some random bystanders.

- Begin to fugue.  Begin with the subject, followed by several episodes.  Experts recommend to fugue as loudly and obnoxiously as is musically possible.

- After you finish your fugue, await the audience reaction, and repeat as necessary to obtain the desired effect.

(Disclaimer: Ned's How-To Guide is not liable for damage done by annoyed coworkers, enraged superiors, angry mobs, and/or the disturbed spirit of J.S. Bach.)

The End

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