How to Get Kicked out of the Grocery Store

Wander around the produce department gnawing on the biggest apple you can find.

Try to shoplift the prizes in the bottom of the cereal boxes.

Take a drink from the fountain...the water cooler refill station I mean.

Ride a shopping cart down aisle four. Get a random teenager to push you.

Play bumper cars with the shopping carts.

Try juggling the produce. If you can juggle three, try four! Or try watermelons...or bananas...heck, try juggling the cucumbers!

Try out all the different types of deoderant, and then decide none of them smell right.

Steal from someone else's cart.

Pick the raisins out of the cookies.

Take random items and swap them across the store for others.

Wear an employee uniform and try giving exciting and informative tours including personable story-telling and jokes.

Try buying a single nut from the bulk section.

Ask the cashier to turn your bag of loonies into quarters. Or...whatever currency you happen to be creative.

Pay with only pennies...or whatever lowest form of money you've got.

Try hiding behind the cereal boxes on the shelf. Scare passing customers. Claim you're the ghost of Mr. Quakers.

Put a piece of celery up each nostril and pretend you're a saber tooth tiger.

Wander into the employee warehouse and say you're looking for Theatre 3.

Ask to see the manager. When he/she finally arrives, ask them to see their manager. And so...

Reach over and press random buttons on the cash register. Ask them what each button does.

Make faces into the security camera all day long.

Try slipping chocolate bars into other people's bags.

Try building a pyramid with the produce...or with cans.

Tell them you'd like to speak with Mr. Quaker.

Let the frozen chickens be free! Free!

Try stealing all of the price tags.

Climb the shelves to get a better view.

Hijack a phone and make a Public Announcement. "Sale on aisle eight! For the next twenty minutes, everything is free!"

Follow one of the employees around with a clipboard and pen.

Ask the butcher for dog, horse, or cat.

Tell the manager that you found a hair in one of the packages.

Put sale stickers on everything, including employees.

And finally...

Start a food fight!

The End

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