The first day

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This was the first day he'd been without it. Well, it wasn't the first day, just the first day for as long as he could remember. It's hard to change yourself, or even to experience change in yourself. You start to wonder how other people would react in this situation, but most of the people you think of would probably react the same and wonder how others would be feeling right now. I guess in that sense it's hard to get a grasp of what you are really made of. It's probably just a series of moments with other people in your life who make you who are today, that and some genetic code that either made you better in some situations or worse, I guess that also has some part to play. Either way, today was the first day. I guess it's best not to dwell on these things and to try and move on. Act as if nothing has change, that everything is normal. You walk out your front door, smile on your face, one foot in front of the other hoping that this charade you put on will fool you before it fools anyone else. That's half the battle right there. If you can just convince yourself that everything is okay then others will believe it too. But for so long you've been someone else. It's hard to just let that go, and for good reason. Anyone else right now would be a wreck, wouldn't they? But you can be stronger. You've proved that in the 'work' you've done for so long. That surely was harder than this. You did that for everyday of your life for the past... Has it really been nine years? That sounds about right. Well you've came out the other side now, and I'm sure you're stronger for it. Take that strength and use it to keep your shoulders and head up, use it to smile with genuine enthusiasm when making small talk. 

     "Yes Mrs Peterson, that's amazing, I didn't even realise dogs could open cupboards, let alone tear open the box to your saffron collection, I do hope that wasn't too expensive."

She smiles. Although something behind her eyes doesn't quite match it. But you smile back as if all this is completely normal. Her eyes soften and she looks almost apologetic before you turn your back and walk off. All I wanted was some milk and I've turned this tiny part of my day into the biggest part of my decade. I'm no longer sure if I've made the right decision in leaving, I miss it. After one day, I've only been awake for a few hours but it's more the realisation that I have to go through the rest of the day without it. At least I have breakfast sorted though, I just hope something more interesting will happen at lunch.

The End

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