As time went by, your voice formed part of the pus you’re trying so ever gently to squeeze out. As gently as you try though, the pain remains the same. Having no voice robbed you of so many things. Your joy, laughter, and most importantly, your ability to say no when you needed it most. Now, saying no, feels like a scab you’re ripping off each time. Ducking and clinching at every possible outcome. Being afraid of what no may bring. Often times, the fear is so great, you’re reluctant to say no. Instead, you clinch onto what you know, that which feels safe, despite the fact that what feels safe is only infecting you more. You know it’s happening, yet you do it. Fear makes you do strange things. You’re not oblivious to it. You’re very intelligent. You know what’s happening, but you can’t stop it.
As you begin to find the courage to say no, your voice will tremble. You will whisper it at first, scared to be heard. It will seem foreign to you. You will duck a few times expecting consequences. Consequences may come, but your scab would’ve been ripped off allowing it to dry out. It will give you the time to clean it properly. You will be left with a scar, without a doubt. But you’ll be able to look back at it, touch it, and feel no pain. The skin will be a little uneven, perhaps a little faded.
However, the scar tissue will be softer than the surrounding areas, to remind you of the wound that healed. To remind you to be more gentle with yourself and others. More patient. That scars are beautiful. That you have a beautiful story to tell despite the pain you’ve had to endure. That we’re all fighting a battle we don’t always know about.
Mostly, that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know, you couldn’t have. It happened, you can’t change it. But you can learn from it. Perhaps save someone else from forming an unnecessary scar. Because at the end of the day, we go through certain thing to enhance who we really are. Sometimes we need a little help getting there. It doesn’t make you weak, in fact, asking for help is a sign that you’re stronger than you once were…and once you’re left with a scar, you can either hide it or embrace it.
You can be embarrassed by it or turn it into something beautiful. You can make it be heard. Because truthfully, all your once wound really wants, is just to have a voice.