My agony was undeniable. It made Elwyn's death seem easy. My tie to Elendil was deep and wound as deeply into me as it possibly could. To try to steady myself, I was drawing in great gulps of frigid air until my chest ached and I was being sick over the saddle. Tears still streamed down my face, so unconsolable that Jibril and Princess Eddia had given up trying to do so miles back. Shaking and disorientated, to stay in the saddle was all I could focus on other than the thrashing inside my chest.
We ran throughout the night and well into the day. The cold froze the tears as they reached my cheeks and zapped me of what reserves of energy I had left. The others were flagging too and soon we stopped. Jibril cast protective spells around our camp, we would not be found by man, elf nor beast. I collapsed against one of the moss covered rocks. They left me to it, gathering wood and water. All I wanted to do was run as fast as I could back to the East Forest and say they could take my life in the least humane way possible as long as I got to hold Elendil just one last time! My whole existence yearned for it.
I was numb when Princess Eddia came back to check up on me. She forced me to look at her.
"We will find him again," She told me firmly but I could only groan, "I love you."
She pressed her lips to mine, winding her arms around my neck. I needed her then. I needed her to be my shield from the outside world, I had to be able to forget about Elendil and she would always be there to help me.
"I am so sorry, Elvin." She said.
I shook my head and found her lips again. I did not want her words, I wanted her.
That night I was cold. The usual form of Elendil was no longer curled against my chest, instead my arms we wrapped around Princess Eddia and Jibril was beside me. I could not sleep. Torturing images of Elendil crying out for me grabbed the afternoon from me; the sun his face, the grass his touch, the wind his desperation. And I could do nothing to help him. It was insufferable.
We rose as the sun touched the horizon. I was still numb; they did not know what I was going through and I hoped they never had to.
"Where are we heading?" I asked in a monotone.
"Eitan. They will have you back. We will be safe with them."
"Lorcan knows I lived with them, he will expect me to return."
"let him expect what he expects, we can handle him."
I had never known Jibril so tormented. Then I remembered, he too had left his beloved.