Excuses from the depths of madness

Lack of Math homework


Scary Math Teacher: "Do you have last night's homework?"

Me: "No, sorry, Mrs. Terror. I used the wrong incantation in the Necronomicon and summoned a horrible, ghastly, hideous eldritch abomination, which devoured my homework before I managed to send it back to the hellish wasteland it slithered from. It could have eaten my soul with fava beans and a good Chianti, you know."

Scary Math Teacher: "What the...are you kidding me? That's the most insane, flimsy excuse I've ever heard! And what is a 'Necronomicon' anyway?"

Me: "You don't want to know, Mrs. Terror...it would most likely break your brain."


Dishes Not Done


Dad: "Did you wash the dishes, oh competent daughter of mine?"

Me: "Afraid not. I was busy pondering the deep and philosophical meaning of Pacman."

Dad: "Why?"

Me: "Because I see it as a clever metaphor for our world. The Pacmen are constantly running, trying to escape the ghosts that haunt them. Its an endless cycle of madness, and yet some people actually find it fun."

Dad: "Do the freakin dishes! Jeez!"


Missing Hall Pass


Snarky Bubble Gum-chewing Hall Monitor: "Can I see your Hall Pass, please?"

Me: "I, uh...left it in a.... parallel dimension. But I could risk shredding the space-time continuum if I try to get it back, and that would interrupt First and Second period."

Snarky Bubble Gum-chewing Hall Monitor: "You...are a freak."

Me: "That's probably true, but you sir, aren't supposed to be chewing bubble gum. What's your excuse for that?"

Snarky Bubble Gum-chewing Hall Monitor: "Just get back to class before I report you."

Me: "I sense a disturbance in the farce."


Ridiculously Late Bedtime


Mom: "Your bedroom lights were on practically all night. What were you doing in there? "

Me: "I was gluing a manatee to the ceiling."

Mom: (stares blankly)




The End

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