I shut my eyes tightly, while thousands of hating thoughts, directed at me, swim around in my brain. Why couldn’t you get past your selfish ways and realize how wrong you were? You are such a selfish person, and you threw away the greatest friendship you ever had just because you couldn’t open your mind. The tears fall from my eyes as the self-hatred grows once more.
I picture myself calling Selena. I imagine her answering her phone. I’d say, “Selena, I was wrong, so wrong! I’m sorry!” She’d tell me to come over so we could make up. I shake my head, snapping myself out of my fantasy. “Who are you kidding?” I scold myself aloud. “Selena wouldn’t say that! Picture it the right way, you idiot!” I then picture Selena telling me to hang up the phone. She’d say I’ll never be able to make it up to her. She’ll never give me another chance, no matter what I do. She’ll just hang up on me. I cry harder over the conversation that never happened. It may have been my imagination, but Selena would say that, anyway. I saw how hurt she was that day. I remember the look in her eyes. There’s no way she would just get over that.
Selena and I go to the same high school now, but I never see her. That might be because I never look up from the floor. Maybe I