this is a little insite to a girl who once had a eating disorder however let go and stopped, without medical help.
the girl is me and i decided to share this in the hope that i can help or make people understand a little more, as i'm one of the lucky ones who beat it xxxx
for two years i was belimich,if you dont know what that is then your lucky, its when you eat then stick your fingers down your throat leading to vomit.
i know what your thinking, they all think the same thing ... the girl is sixteen and already shes had a eating disorder!!! ive had a lot of other things to but well, thats a different tale.
i could tell you all kinds of things, i could say why i did it, how many times a day, what was going through my mind and my friends responses.
if you have had a eating disorder then you will know and understand but if you havnt then you have no idea...
when i look back, when i used to stick my fingers down my throat i can still see my best friends face, when she found out she cried, broke down, asked me how i could be so selfish and stupid. so i told her, i told her i didnt understand what she meant, that i didnt understand what was wrong with doing it.
like most friedns she didnt really care about why i was doing it, she just wanted me to stop, which in all it fair. she didnt get it and i .... i didnt want to explain it to her.
everyday, at lunch time, when i returned from school and after my evening meal, it was hard to keep it a secret. who takes a toothbrush to school with them? but i found as time progressed i didnt really care about who found out, didnt care if they judged me. i just focused on my routine and zoomed out of the world.
i get scared when i think about it know, what i was like, what i could of done to my health.
people think its discusting, and it is! it hurts like hell, but i dont know at the time it felt like a realise like a way out, its only now i realise that it wasnt a way out, it was just a thirteen year old girl sticking her fingers down her throat believeing it would save her.
im not writing this to promote it, nor get sympathy. im doing it becasue thousands of girls and boys are doing this and the world doesnt seem to care about them, the pain they feel. im writing this in the hope that we will realise that this isnt a faze people go through, its their lives. BUT its no life!
i was lucky i have friends who gave me that life line. but many suffer alone .... and trust me if your reading this and can realate then now is the time to do something, if you feel empty, fill the hole but not like i did.
hope i might of helped someone not freaked out a load of people
love black dress xxxxx