My Mother's Tears

From a victim....

Remember my castle?  It was just a tree house daddy built for me, but to me, it was a castle.  I liked to pretend that Barbie, Ken and Strawberry Shortcake were my guards.  Remember how I always asked 'who goes there"  before I'd come down.  I remember all the treats you would bring, the sweet lemonade, the little cream cheese sandwiches, so meticulously cut into triangles. It was a good time then wasn't it moma?  

Then things had to change, daddy was a scoundrel, had all of us fooled,  well except you.    I missed my castle so much, I missed daddy too.  I can still see that look in his eyes, the day we left.  didn't realize what it was then, later, I learned the proper word for it, guilt.  Guilt for all the dirty deeds he'd done and even more for the deeds he would do later, like selling the house, leaving us penniless and flaunting his whore around town.  I said to myself then, even at such a young age, he was not my daddy.  Still, I missed him, missed his hugs and kisses, missed the way he'd call me princess.

You worked so hard after that, went to school, working holidays to put food on the table, to keep me dressed.  I never wanted for nothing moma, you saw to that.  The days you had off you'd spend with me.  Though I have to say, you were so pretty, don't know why you didn't get yourself a man, wait yes I do, I remember you telling grandma you'd see yourself in the grave before you trusted another man... Daddy scarred you deep.

I remember something else... how much you cried.  I promised myself, I'd never be the cause of any sorrow for you...

Well now, good intentions.  I wish I could stop your tears, I wish I could touch you and let you know I am fine.  It's all lights and colors here.  Funny thing, you thought I'd felt pain, no moma, all I felt was the vibrations from the impact.  The sound, the hollow sound of the explosion hurt my ears, after that, it was quiet.  Moma, don't spend your time hating, it wasn't meant for me, I was a statistic an "innocent bystander."  You have someone coming to you, a man.. yes maam, a man is coming into your life and another little princess.  Stop crying, your little princess is in good hands... You should see the castles here... Dry your tears moma.. I love you, when you feel that lite touch on your cheek, it's kisses from me.  when the room warms all of a sudden, smile, it's just me making sure you are ok...

The End

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