I sighed. Another day of hiding my home life from everyone at school. If only they knew, I thought to myself sadly. No, I told myself,no-one will have anything useful to say about what to do.
Walking quickly towards my first class, I pulled out my books and pen that i needed for psychology. I smiled to myself. When I get away from my parents, I want to be a psychologist. I want to help people like me get through what they're suffering, I thought decidedly.
Forcing a smile to the class to hide how I really felt, I began to focus on the class. She was talking about how to need to act to an insecure person who you are talking to. She picked on me to tell her my opinions. This is what I loved about psychology I think, your answer can never be wrong and that’s what’s I'm not used to. At home, I'm always told I'm wrong no matter how hard I try to be right. "Jade, can you please tell us all your opinion on the topic?" Ms Swift asked nicely. Ms Swift had to be my favorite teacher by far because she was sympathetic with everyone's petty little problems: no matter how annoying the person was or how unimportant the problem actually turned out to be.
"I think you need to be sympathetic, Miss" I answered, "you need to act like you understand but if you say ‘I know what you're goingthrough’ when you actually don't, you could end up making it worse as they may end up calling you a liar or something. I think as well as being careful about what you say, you also need to build a relationship up with the victim as then they'll trust you more that way." I nodded to myself whilst smiling slightly.That's exactly what you need to do, I thought to myself. Y'see, I've been to loads of psychologists as, each time my parents were sober enough to think, they said I was crazy and sent me to some random person, who I could tell didn't want to hear my problems, three times a week! Since it was clear they didn't want to know, I wouldn't co-operate. I refused to tell them what was happening and I just set my jaw in place and sat in silence for those three hours each week.
"That's a brilliant theory you have there, Jade" Ms Swift replied, smiling at me widely. That statement was soon followed by the bell ringing, signalling the end of class, and the teacher dismissing us. We all chucked our things in our bags but, just as I was about to leave, I got called back. "I was just wondering Jade ... Is everything okay? I mean, when you answered you seemed like you knew from experience." I do, I thought to myself before forcing a smile onto my face and replying, "Everything is just fine Miss" and waving over my shoulder on the way out the classroom towards my next class.
This is kind of a routine by now. Come into school, force myself to tell everyone I was fine, go home again. For some reason though, today was different.
Arriving home, I had decided that I might as well be very sensible to him and not make any sarcastic comments that will cause him to get violent. "Jade, go up to your room and don't come out until supper, do you understand?" my father shouted from the living room. I could smell the alcohol and the cigarette smoke from the other end of the hallway.
"Okay!" I shouted over the blare of the television. There must be a football match on tonight.Oh great, I thought to myself, that means his obnoxious 'friends' will be here soon. Little does he know they only come over here for three reasons: to touch me, for the free beer and for the free smoke. I sighed and shook my head.How stupid can you get Father?
Once up in my room, I bolted the door and pulled out my laptop to write my daily blog under the anonymous name of none-of-your-business. I currently know of 328 nosy people that are subscribed to my blog just 'to see what you come up with next'; to put it in their words. I scoffed.As if I could make all of this up, I thought to myself,If only they knew.I began to type.
Blog 1,097...... Not a lot to report ... Yet.
Okay so, so far, not a lot has happened. It was pretty normal for me up until I got here after school. I got to school having only been slapped once and that was because I undercooked his toast! Can you believe that? How unfair! I got through school with, as usual, all the teachers and some of the pupils asking if I was okay. I said I was. I lied again. When arriving home it got weird. Instead of the usual abuse, I only got "go to your room and don't come out till supper, do you understand?" and I was just thinking WHAT?! And then I smelt the smoke and the alcohol and I heard the television. A football match is on tonight which means I now have to put up with his obnoxious fake friends touching me. Thank God I have a bolt on my door! Okay, I gotta go. I wanna check out boxing clubs. I wanna be able to defend myself.
Bye for now,
That has become my blog signature over the three-and-a-bit years I've been doing this for. It makes it slightly more personal without giving away who I am. It was perfect.
After shutting down my work, I opened my web browser and typed 'boxing clubs in Norwich, England' into the search bar. I got several results but I just clicked straight into the first one which said 'Get Fit Fast, Become A Boxer'.Brilliant, I thought to myself as I clicked through the membership links to join. I grabbed my card and entered the details where I needed to. When the screen showed I had joined, I smiled to myself before closing the laptop and putting it away.
Just as I began to relax, I heard the door open and shut downstairs, followed by one of them, Derek I think, tell my father he was gonna come and use the bathroom.Oh God, I thought to myself forebodingly,this is gonna be a long night.