15/01/2012 3:37 pm
I sit here staring at my computer screen, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. My mind is blank, I think I've let love into my life. I don't know, I've been repulsing it as much as possible. Which has just made things worse, now there's a wall in between me and someone close. It's...awkward.
I've watched those around me grow up, and constantly tell me, " ..ok?". It's not fair? Why do I have to be the one that gets stuck in the past? I don't want to be in the past, but why does everyone have to mature so quickly. I liked saying random things.
I lost a friend a yesterday, the day before this thing was posted. He was being a dick, so I said something I shouldn't have. He deserved it, made me feel so out of place. I'm not heartless....am I? There's this thing, it keeps bothering me. I don't even know why I said that, am I just trying to fill empty space? Probably.
I'm not even sure if it's been four months, let's see. Um.... June ...wait it was July, it started in July. July, August, September, October, November, December. Oh wow, it's been five months! Maybe more though. Ah well, it doesn't matter.
I just had a stupid, yet interesting idea. What if I make this my diary? Well, do I really want random people reading my personal thoughts. Then I have to think to myself, why the fuck not? It's not like they'll track me down and kill me, though that would be pretty awesome. Death by assassin. Yea, I can live with that.
My little writing book is beside me, and a phone, and my cell phone. So I can text whom I choose. I normally just text one person. He's my "big brother" not by blood, he just...is. Oh, since I've gotten my phone I've lost it twice, once for dropping it. Then the second time for texting my brother until 3:00 am. I feel bad for lying about the recipiant though.
12m 0s, um. Someone remind me why there's a timer? I don't quite understand what the point of it is. It just unnerves me, makes me think that I have to type as quickly as possible. Makes it seem as if this is all a race. I'll finish this later, I'll show you timer!