I got home for summer and I struggled with the fact that I was at home and doing nothing. I had no internship and no study abroad. The first few weeks, I was so mad at myself and at life. Everyone I knew was enjoying their lives, seeing the world and working at major companies. They were getting full-time jobs offers by the end of the summer and I had nothing. But then I reminded myself, that I just went through the biggest obstacle in my life. Two months ago I was in the hospital because I wanted to be dead. I needed this time to heal and to just allow myself to get better. So I got a job at a frozen yogurt place, I am taking four summer classes so I can graduate on time, and I babysat and dogsat. I spent my summer retraining my brain because my brain was gone. It needed to start over. I had the hardest time letting go of what was suppose to be. But I am just taking a different path in life, it is not the wrong one, it is just different. I learned that I can not control the future and that I need to just take one day at a time. Everything will work out, it always did. So while everyone is at their internship and seeing the world, I am teaching myself how to take care of myself again, how to function on my own and how to find happiness in the simplest things. I went through the biggest change in my life this past year and I am allowed to just take a break from everything. That is exactly what I did. Now I am ready to head back to school for my senior year and to enjoy every little things. Because I know that happiness is not something you can take for granted.
Overall, Im a senior at Michigan State University, who spent her summer at a yogurt shop, has thousands of dollars in medical bills and I now own a dog. But I can't control the future, so I might as well make the best of it.
If you read my story, I hope it inspires you to share yours. Or if this helped you understand this ugly illness a little more than I found my way of making a difference in this world. We do not choose what happens in our bodies but it is important for us to be able to recognize that we need help. Mental illnesses is not something that we need to be ashamed of. We need to fight it and we need to create awareness about it. Because everyone in this world is fighting their own battle within their head.