The Beginning

For those of you, that will take the time to read about my story and my struggle, I thank you. Each and every one of you are beautiful people and deserve to have a life that is full of happiness. Unfortunately, happiness is something that can be taken away from you very quickly and can be very hard to find again. Here's to a journey of fighting and eventually winning my battle of depression.

It all started in fall of 2014; when everything took the most unpredictable turn yet of my life. I was heading into my junior year of college and was ready to make this my best year yet. Everything was going well until October. October is when everything changed, I knew something just wasn't right about me. Something felt off. I was struggling to get a smile on my face and was crying over the simplest things. I was drinking too much at parties and I became a really mean person. I ruined important friendships that I had and found myself feeling quite alone. I soon didn't even recognize the person in the mirror. I had no idea what was going on inside my head. One day, I came home from class and was standing in the kitchen and just could not stop crying. I haven't cried that hard in a really long time. It got to the point where my dad had to step out of an important meeting to try and calm me down. It took over 2 hours before the tears would stop. This was all before it really registered with me that something was off. Every time I talked to my mom, she always asked if I was okay and I always answered yes and that I was just really tried, which was very true. I found myself sleeping more than I should have and never really wanted to get out of bed. Halloween weekend is when I realized that this sounds something like depression. I was at my Halloween frat party, and yet again drank too much, and found myself telling Tyler that I did not want to live anymore, I found no purpose to my life anymore. I woke up the next morning, knowing that I needed help but I would just wait until I would go home for Christmas break, which was only about a month away. Throughout the rest of the semester, I found myself being constantly sad, I drifted away from my friends, the ones I loved the most, and excluding myself from events. I wasn't around the frat as much and I didn't show up for important events. Most of the time I just couldn't get myself out of bed. I was so sad that I would crawl into my bed and just cry, and for no reason at all. Tyler was about the only person I would talk to or associate myself with. I was failing my math class, which made no sense because math was always my strong subject. I wasn't participating in events that I used to absolutely love and that always made me happy. The Kat that I knew, loved to be around people, loved making new friends, was not mean to people and didn't ruin friendships. But this Kat, did the exact opposite. I had bruises under my eyes by mid-November because I was crying so much and constantly rubbing my eyes. And when people asked what happened, it was always a joke that I ran into something. By the time finals hit, I knew I was ready to come home and figure out what all of this was, but little did I know my whole world was about to change even more...

The End

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