My Fears

I'm seething, scared, lonely, ungracious, envious, jealous, pining, unloving, ignorant,  blind, and detached.
 I'm sick, tired, raging, crazed, inadequate, unworthy, and sad. Immensely sad. These may not be your thoughts, but I'm sure you've thought them every once in a while.
These are the words I wish I could say. The words I want to tell my family, my friends, and the one I love. But how could I?
How can I tell them that I feel empty inside? That no matter who's around me, I feel alone.
How can I tell them that I feel cold, and stony? That I'm just a marble statue with flesh pretending to be living.
How can I tell them that I feel broken? That I've fallen, and I don't know how to get back up.
How can I tell them that I feel ugly? That I'm disgusted by my appearance.
How can I tell him that I still love him? That I'm still waiting for him to see me.
How can I tell them I'm rotten? That my insides are decaying with every thought.
How can I tell them I'm afraid? That I may never be with anyone, and maybe I shouldn't.
How can I tell them anything? I've forgotten how to speak. I was born with the inability to convey.
How can I tell them anything? I don't want them to see inside.
How can I tell them anything? I don't need the criticism. ( I give myself enough).
How can I tell them anything? Their stares will hurt me.
How can I tell them anything? They want their turn to speak.
What do I do? Lord God can you tell me? I try to have faith, but I feel it slipping. I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
I'm lost and in the dark. I hope I find the light, and that I never stop searching.

The End

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