My Boys

Nate

Did you hear what happened to our boy Nate? He got arrested. It was serious stuff. He missed, like, two days of school, his parents got all freaked out, and he's on some kind of probation now. This is what happened. He's been working out a lot lately, trying to bulk up. He's on this diet of nothing but tuna fish. It's pure protein. Every day, that's all he's been eating. His little brother Jamie, he's a little runt. He sees Nate doing this, and thinks he's going to work out and bulk up too. So, Nate has to hide all his tuna fish or Jamie will get in it and start eating it up. What Nate decided to do was to take the paper labels off of cans of cat food, and put the Friskies labels on his cans of tuna to hide them from his brother. And he can't let his brother see him eating it because he'll catch on, so he's been sitting on the back steps of his building eating his tuna.

So, there's this old lady that walks by the building with one of those little Pomeranian dogs. I guess she had seen Nate before, digging in the dumpster for labels or whatever. And Nate looks pretty ragged. He wears those ripped jeans, and he's trying to grow that little scruff beard. She must have thought he was some kind of homeless guy eating out of the garbage. So she looks over, and sees him sitting on the steps with no shirt on eating from a cat food can, and she started gagging like she was going to throw up. She can't stop gagging, and her dog starts barking and going crazy. When she gets around the corner, she's hysterical and she calls 911 on her cell phone. The cops think she's being attacked or something, and they speed over there and haul Nate away. It was ridiculous.