my birthday...

Ted gets a present he'll never forget :)

It was just after my birthday and my mum and dad were arguing again. And as usual it was about something stupid. He had been fired... big deal. I mean its done dad, get over it. Of course I knew this because I was six now and fully capable of all sorts of adult things, and I knew everything now because I was an adult. I didn’t need this drama just after my birthday... I only wanted cake. I love cake and everything cake stands for, but not a jam cake because jam cakes are evil. They sneak up on sad mummies and secretly make them fat, those dastardly jam cakes. Cakes are not suitable for adults. And I want that karaoke machine that I STILL didn’t get even though I had dropped hints so subtle Jesus wouldn’t notice.  Like this one time, we were at the shops and I said, very subtly, “HEY LOOK AT THAT KARAOKE MACHINE IT WOULD LOOK VERY NICE IN MY ROOM HUH MUM? MUM? LOOK!” see? Subtle or what? She just stared at me and said “I want never gets” now, I may not be the smartest person in a room full of smart people BUT I never ever EVER said I want. Ever. Well maybe once. But that was when I asked Mary Brighton from school for my pencil back. And have I seen that pencil since then? No. I have not. I don’t care, she can keep it but that’s not the point. The point is that my mother is an idiot.

Oh look, an entire paragraph and you still don’t know a thing about me. My name is Ted Mason and I’m an alcoholic... ok you’re right I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunkard because alcoholics go to meetings. Well ok, I’m not. But my daddy is. Mummy tells me he drinks beer like pop. But I didn’t know there was a difference between drinking pop and drinking alcoh... alfrocho... beer. Maybe its bendy straws. I guess we’ll never know. At this point you’re starting to lose interest in this tale. Now, my English teacher says every good story has a problem that the hero needs to fix. I suppose that by default I am the hero. So what could my problem be you ask? Well...

The End

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