I walked over to my house in the baggy tee he gave me, I couldn’t care less what people thought, I was only walking down the street anyway. Josh just stared at me. “You seriously live here?” No, not really. I don’t live I have never really lived anywhere...
“I survive.” I shrugged and told him to stay as I ran upstairs to get my suitcase, I had survived from my suitcase ever since it burnt down, I didn’t have anything else left but the clothes I had bought from the money I earned. That, and Muse.
“You never looked for somewhere else to stay?” I did, at one point sleep elsewhere, but I never actually owned about another place.
“Never had any money,” I called from upstairs, jumping down half the stairs so they didn’t cave in.
“You can stay at mine if you want to,” he took my hand to steady me and took my suitcase as we walked out the door. I had the key, but I didn’t lock it. What was the point in locking a burnt-out hole that had nothing inside it? If someone wanted to steal some ash they were welcome to. I mean, I don’t want it.
“What about rent?” I murmured, I don’t mind getting something for free, small things. But a house over my head and food, safety? I need to pay him back for all of that. Can’t just let him pay for everything.
“I don’t need money, but I'm sure we can work something out." I nodded, watching as he carried my suitcase for me. He was being gentlemanly... this seemed wrong, but then again, Josh always seemed wrong to me, everything about him – most of all? He was here, with me, proposing that I move in with him.
“I won't be much use to you, I don't clean... I can cook though – ish," the extent of bacon sandwiches and sticking something in a microwave. What else do you need?
"How about... A fact about you? One a month," that was odd, very odd. But, I can’t imagine that the attention-hog would want anything else. He knew everything about everyone all the time. But I was his ‘blind spot,’ okay, a fact about me a month... favourite flower, colour, band. I can do that.
"Mhm, unless you have something more to offer?” I swear his eyebrows raised then when he looked at me, what did he expect me to say?
"I have nothing you'd want... apart from hugs," I laughed, remembering his strange love of them. I could understand why, though, when he hugged me everything melted away. It was like... everything stopped and it was only his body wrapped around mine, his heart beating next to mine... Oh stop it, Pandora. You’re getting soft.
"Hugs will do,” his usual smile extended into a large grin and I couldn’t help but laugh and nod. Okay, a fact about me and a hug. I could do that, easily... though I still felt as if I was cheating him, although, he seemed happy enough.
I waited until we got to his house and he placed my suitcase down before I threw my arms around him, smiling slightly. He chuckled, hugging me back. I wanted to close my eyes, but, I didn’t quite trust this place; I just hugged him a bit tighter and murmured: “Thank you.”
I felt something then, his lips gracing my cheek, soft and graceful like when he was cleaning up my hand and it instantly sent a shiver down my spine and a hot flush into my cheeks, “uh...” I stuttered and took a breath. I didn’t know why I was reacting like this, why suddenly around him I melted into something else, my hardened exterior just fluttered away. I didn’t like it. “Umm...” I kissed his cheek back awkwardly and swiftly and he chuckled again.
“What?” I whined, but I didn’t let go instead I just rested his head on his shoulder. He smelt... gorgeous actually. In fact... everything about him was. Stop this! Now. Go away brain.
“You’re not really used to this kind of thing, are you?” He whispered into my ear and I shook my head, laughing awkwardly and his lips touched my cheek again. I pulled away, staring into his eyes as my cheeks blazed furiously. His eyes were a stunning bright blue, like a summer sky, he grinned and my heart beat a little quicker. I couldn’t control it and it annoyed me, I had no idea what was happening... what he was doing to me. “You’ll get used to it,” I didn’t think I would, ever, I wasn’t sure I wanted to, ever. I blinked and looked at him awkwardly, I wanted to kiss him, to feel what his lips would feel like against mine and I cursed myself for it. He simply winked at me and let me into his house. Woo.
I stepped into his house and paused in the doorway. “Josh...” He paused and looked at me. “Could I...” I couldn’t actually ask him that, could I? Turns out... no, I couldn’t, I just froze and stood staring at him dumbly. First my heart failed, then my brain, now my words, whatever this feeling was I hated it. What made it worse was that he didn’t pick up on it and suddenly my brain went into a thousand scenarios: he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, he hates me... it was foolish.
“Want a drink?” I shook my head.
“Anything else?” I nodded.
He tilted his head and I stood for a moment before I brushed my lips against his swiftly, causing my cheeks to blush just as I had gotten it to go down again. But, it was great.
He smiled to himself and kissed me back, a little longer than when I had and I relished it... the first time I had kissed someone and it was amazing. His lips were warm and slipped onto mine like the piece to my jigsaw that had been missing for years. “What’s this for?”
“I dunno... I guess I just wanted to know how it felt.”
“Was it good?” I looked at the floor and nodded, yeah, too good for me to tell you.
He hooked a finger under my chin and pulled my head up, his eyes sparkling as he smiled at me: “Don’t be so embarrassed.”
Suddenly all the words I couldn’t say piled up on top of each other and pushed themselves out, "I can't help it... I've never felt like this... I've never kissed anyone; I've never done anything, like this, before." I’m surprised he responded by asking me what I felt, because, it just came out in a fast, wordy mess.
I looked away, “nothing.”
He frowned and suddenly I felt a pang in my stomach: “My cheeks are so hot and look,” I put my hand on his, pulling it from under my chin and placing it on my chest. “My heart won’t stop beating so quickly... I hate it; I have no control over any of it.”
He used his other hand to run through my hair, “there’s no need to worry about it though,” his smile persisted even through it all. I wondered if anything would make him frown.
I stared at him, "I will worry, I don't want you thinking you're gonna get involved with me when you can get a girl much prettier." Phew, I'm back, breathing restored, brain is functioning, life = good. Great.
He ruffled my hair and I growled slightly, "I don't know about that," he grinned.
“Nah, I can get pretty girls but they all want me to spend money on them. That’s no fun.” Oh? I can’t imagine how pampering a little slut with jewellery, flowers and chocolate was not fun. I mean, relationships have only one person in them and they need everything from the other person to survive. Yeah, I got that from Shakespeare.
“What is fun?”
"Girls who don't want me for money," hmm, I wouldn’t say they’re fun. I’d say it would mean you have more money, it would mean that you probably have someone that actually cares. But, I wouldn’t say that alone would equal fun. Strange child.
"Who says I want you?" Brain...
"Who said anything about you wanting me? I said nothing of the sort.”
I froze, I thought something was strange about me saying it, it didn’t quite seem like me. Unless it was me and in fact the me I think I am, I aren’t? Damn... mind fuckery. "Good, you're right. I don't."
“Shame,” I raised an eyebrow as he said it and he explained, “because you’re prettier than most of the girls that’ve wanted me.”
“You’re lying. Stop it,” my faced dropped into all seriousness.
“No I’m not.”
“You are. Stop it. Please.”
He held his hands up in surrender and I nodded, thanking him as I picked up my suitcase. “I shall keep my opinions about you to myself then.” Good, because they’re your opinions, only you need to hear them.