SO! Now I bet you’re all wondering when things get really exciting. Are you ready?
After a horrendous morning and a craptacular afternoon, I was beginning to get excited about going out…well as excited as one can be after my day had been made into a crap sandwich.
Now because my car handles were broken and we had no way to get into my car, and well I didn’t drink and drive in the first place, we decided to cab it to one of the so called ‘hottest clubs in the city’. The cab ride there wasn’t too extremely bad, except the sleazy old cabbie was leering in his rear view and trying to hit on us.
I guess that’s what we get for looking ‘fierce’ as Nadia would say. Anyways, continuing on, we stood in line for no longer than 15 minutes before we were let in by the incredibly sexist bouncers who say they were ‘just doing their job’. Right.
Once we were in the club we found an empty booth and it wasn’t long until Nadia was feeding me this blue liquid which tasted like really sweet fruit juice. I actually didn’t think that they had any alcoholic content whatsoever, so we kept ordering more. 1 turned into 2 and 2 then turned into…6 I think? I lost count after the third one. All that I knew was that my vision was beginning to get a little bit blurry, not to mention my discretion was on its way out the club door. I knew I was beginning to get drunk because instead of Nadia having to carry me onto the dance floor, I nearly ripped her arm off because I couldn’t get to it fast enough. Things actually seemed to be turning out well until…you guessed it Murphy dropped a big fat Law-Bomb on my head.
Murphy’s Law #3
No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy’s Law will take effect and screw it up.
After the latest hit song by Madam Gaga or Lady Goo-Goo or whatever the heck pop stars were calling themselves these days, I decided to buy the next round of ‘danger drinks’ as I had dubbed them before heading back for some more scandalous wiggling of my hips and butt.
Now, if you remember at the beginning of this story, I said my purse was soaked and dripping something…yeah it happened at the bar. Some punk was standing beside me with a full glass of…something, that had conveniently slipped from his grasp, hit the bar and tipped over spilling its contents directly into the open mouth of my purse. Oh Lovely. I had to deal with this immediately. I spotted Nadia, grabbed her with my deathly vice like grip and pulled her to the washroom to hopefully salvage what was left of my purse.
Needless to say I was a little ticked.
“Some jerk face spilled his whole drink in my purse”
“Ouch….well sucks to be you but I gotta pee”
Enter drunken Nadia...who was my other best friend next to sober Nadia. Drunken Nadia was sweeter and stupider (if that was even possible), except now she didn’t have a filter. In the midst of cleaning my purse I heard a flush and a loud slough of colourful words. I had become temporarily distracted from my purse salvaging mission when I looked in the mirrors reflection and saw Nadia’s legs poking out from under the door of the bathroom stall. It seemed like Murphy had struck my best friend.
Murphy’s Law of Selective Gravitation #4
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
Another barrage of curse words burst forth as I watched Nadia with curiosity, I wondered what article of clothing or possibly what accessory she had dropped into the toilet. Oddly, this was beginning to remind me of that song ‘Tequila makes her clothes fall off’. Nadia gave a frustrated scoff and she hoisted herself from the floor.
“SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!"
The stall door opened and I looked at her reflection. She was pouting and looking rather pathetic if you asked me.
“I lost an earring”
“Let me guess…it fell in the crapper? Oh look, you ripped your pants too”
Nadia frowned as I smiled at her in the most loving, drunk and obnoxious way possible. Now she looked like she was going to deliver a nice hard fist to one of my boobs.
It seemed like Murphy was enjoying himself making me and Nadia miserable, and he wasn't done yet.