As my morning went on, it's not like it got a whole lot better. That damn Murphy was out to get me.
I began walking though the living room and in typical Tyche fashion, I walked right into the end table. That stupid end table that I had asked my parents to move countless times, but they never did. So it would seem that I was forever doomed to walk into it. Murphy makes yet another entrance.
Murphy's Law # 21
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to it's value.
Now I bet you're thinking that because I walked into the table, I shattered it with my magnificent legs of steel. As hardcore as that would be, it didn't happen like that, because the cursed end table was a cheap particle board one that my parents purchased at IKEA for thirty two dollars and seventy three cents. Now, it was what was on top of it that got damaged.
I was so dead...so incredibly dead.
Not only was there a dent in the sink that was mocking me, but there were shards of the porcelain urn that held my grandfathers ashes, not to mention what was left of my grandfather, strewn about the floor. Note to self: Ask my mother what compelled her to store her fathers remains on the table I walked into everyday.
A shrill yell came from my front door, blasting me from my thoughts like Nitro in a blocked tunnel. Footsteps bounded towards the living room and abruptly stopped when they reached their destination. Enter Nadia, my best friend, and perhaps one of the biggest boneheads I know but she's the sweetest thing on two legs. So sweet in fact I think she was the major cause of the only cavity I had.
"Whoa dude, you are so toast...like major, burnt to a crisp, unsalvagable toast"
"Nadia, I mean it in the most loving way possible, but your analogies, metaphors or whatever literary method you used to convey the message that I'm dead...all of them suck"
Rolling my eyes at her, I tiptoed carefully around the mess to get a Ziploc bag to temporarily store what was my grandfather. Once I started cleaning up, I heard Nadia speak again.
"Dude, there's a dent in your sink"
"Thanks there Tips...it seems like today is not my day"
"You have a day!?"
Nadia's question was met by my incredulous stare. Sometimes I wondered if she was actually that stupid, or if it was just a front she put up to get the boys. No one could possibly be that dumb for real...right?
"I dropped Petey"
"No, It's Karma, you must have been a bad person in a past life"
"Either way...it's biting me in the ass"