Murders Inc.

“Hello, you’re through to Murders Incorporated, how may I direct your call?”


“Yes, hi, I’d like to have my wife murdered, I’ve been thinking in through recently and I really don’t like her.”


“Ok, I’ll just put you through to one of our sales team, can I take your name please.”


"Yes it's Mike."


"Ok Mike, I'll just transfer you."


“Good Evening Mike, you’re through to Amanda in sales, how may I help?”


“Hi Amanda, yes I’d like to have my wife killed, she’s rubbish and I’m sick of it.”


“Ok, would you like the Basic, Essential or Preferred package?"


“I don’t know, what’s the difference?”


“Basic, is a trainee with a machine gun, a bad temper and an even worse aim. Essential is a mugging gone wrong and Preferred is a skilled murder with a ticket to Mamma Mia! so you’re out the house with an alibi when it happens.”


“I don’t suppose I could get a ticket to Spamalot instead?”


“No sir, I’m afraid it’s Mamma Mia! or nothing, we've got an exclusive deal with them.”


“Well you can't have everything I suppose, how much is Preferred?”


”£15 000”


“Crikey, and Essential?”


”£10 000”


"Oh, right, and Basic?"


”£5 000”


“Bloody hell, oh forget it, I’ve just heard her come home, thanks for the help but I’ll go do it myself instead.”


"Have a nice day."


The End

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