Mr. ClipsMature

He was lost, alone and not sure where he was going. She was desperate to find him before someone tossed him into a pot and ate him up.

“Have you seen Mr. Clips?!”

“Mr…who? What?”

“My lobster!”

The man stared at me like I had lost my god damn mind.

Ok, fair. Lobsters were unusual pets, I’d give him that. Still, it’s not like I didn’t know what the word lobster meant, he didn’t need to look that confused. Especially when my baby was lost!

“Please, can you help me look? I’m worried he got out of the fence. I was letting him take a little stroll and looked away for just a minute and he’s such a good boy! He never runs away and now I don’t know where he is and—“

“Yea, yea, I’ll help. It’ll be ok.” His tone was bordering on frantic. I could tell he just wanted me to calm down. One of those guys that couldn’t stand it when someone started crying around him, I bet. Whatever. As long as he helped, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass as to why.

“Thank you! He’s red” probably didn’t need to mention his color “about ya long” his expression was clearly saying: no shit, sounds like a lobster so far “and has a diamond collar on.” Ok. That was a lie and the height of his eyebrows seemed to say he thought it was one. Rude! Just cause I was lying didn’t mean he needed to think I was!

“I’ll take this side! Just hollar for Ellie if you find him!” The sandy grass crunched under my feet as I darted to the left of the house.

“Mr. Clips!” That damn lobster better have its ears on today. “Mr. Clips!” Where could he have gone, what if something had grabbed him? What if someone thought he was a run-a-way dinner and wanted him for their pot? What if a hawk thought he looked yummy? Did hawks eat lobsters?! WHY DIDN’T I KNOW THIS!?

“Mr. Clips!” My knees were beginning to bleed as I searched the rough underbrush. “Mr. Cl—“

“ARGH!”

“Mr. Clips!” That sounded like someone had found him. “I’m coming, baby! Don’t hurt him! Please!”

The man I had ran into was half hopping, half crouching as he tried to kick my baby free from his foot.

“Stop, stop! He’ll only clamp on harder. Just stop! I’ll get him off. Hold still.” Baby. Mr. Clips hadn’t even broken through his shoe. People could be such whiners.

The man glowered and grumbled, but he held still enough as I pried my baby’s claw off his foot.

“Mr. Clips, what are you doing, scaring me like that? Don’t you do that!” I held his pincers closed as I hugged him close to my chest. “Poor thing, I bet you’re scared too. Let’s get you into your tank, ok boo? I’ll even put on that t.v. show you like so.”

“Uh..glad you found your pet..?” Right. The man was still there. Why?

Shit. I was supposed to say something in situations like this. What was it again?

“Thank you. For…” for…what? All he did was almost step on Mr. Clips! “for your help.” Yes. That was polite enough. Now I could leave.

Except, as I turned, the man spoke again. “Why a lobster?”

“Why a lobster?” Why was he looking confused? Of course I didn’t understand the question. It’s not like I asked people why they had dogs, why was he asking me why I had a lobster?

“Well, it’s an unusual pet.” Why was he fidgeting? People were so fidgety. Maybe it’s just what people do. They always seemed to when talking with me, leastwise.

“They live a long time. I don’t want a companion I’d have to bury. Seems dumb to get attached to a being that you’ll outlive.” I could see his brain clicking as he tried to puzzle out a flaw with my logic. There wasn’t one, of course. “Now, thank you again for your help, but I have to get Mr. Clips back to his tank or he’ll get cranky.” Finally, silence as I turned back to my new house. Hopefully this will be the only excitement for the day.

The End

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