Morris and His Stylish Top Hat

This is the tragic love story of Morris the Listeria Bacterium and Donna the Gangrene Bacterium.

   Once upon a time, there was a bacterium with a stylish top hat. Now, this bacterium was one of many in a group known as Listeria and for the past several weeks have been growing on a nice block of cheddar cheese... well, until someone ate it. His formal name was Listeria № 126592, but known as Morris to his friends. Morris had a stylish top hat because he wanted to stand out and win the lady bacteria over, because he wasn't the most handsome listeria bacterium. But even with this stylish top hat of his, the lady bacteria, still didn't notice him.

   As the days passed by, they managed to invade the immune system of dear old Mr. Haberdashery (a worker at the local large and useless furniture shop), who obviously didn't have his flu jab and was suffering from gangrene. By this time it was the eighth day since Morris had started wearing his stylish top hat and yet no lady bacteria were interested. As Morris was wandering down the sinuses, he met Gangrene № 296413 AKA Donna. It was love at first sight, but it was unknown for a listeria bacterium to fall in love with a Gangrene bacterium. Donna explained that she was on a school trip; exploring the nasal passages and got lost. Morris was so distracted by Donna's green lipid membrane; so beautiful and different, unlike his own that he wasn't really listening.

   Day by day in spite of the rejection of their friends and family, Donna and Morris continued to see each other, sometimes in the Index Finger Internet Café, and other times in the sinuses where they found a fancy plasma smoothie bar, which was called Bogey's Plasma Bar. But this strange and psychotic love story, was about to come to a tragic end.

   One afternoon, Donna and Morris went to Bogey's and bought a mucus flavoured plasma smoothie. They walked through the nose hair field and watched Mr. Haberdashery carry out his daily life (which at the moment was sitting on the settee watching boring reality shows all day). Morris shuffled in closer to Donna and looked at her. How did this bacterium get so lucky? It was the stylish top hat and he knew it! Donna looked back and if she had a face she would be smiling. As the hours went by (which in human perspective were only minutes) Donna and Morris got deeper and deeper into conversation, and forgot that standing in the nose hair field was very dangerous. Suddenly, Donna felt Mr. Haberdashery inhale, which meant only one thing... he was about to sneeze. She grabbed a nose hair and reached for Morris, but it was too late. Morris was blown out of the nostril, watching his life flash before his eyes (which was unsurprisingly boring). There was so much he wanted to do! He wanted to buy a nice house, get married, have many baby bacterium and watch them grow up. Buy his first caravan, have his first shot of Snot-Be-Gone nasal spray. He watched himself part even further from his true love and the last thing he heard was,

   “Morris, I always loved your stylish top hat!”


The End

The End

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