This is the opening to a piece I submitted for my English coursework. I would really appreciate feedback :)
A tale told by a heavy-hearted narrator
Footwork as light as a feather; so light that had fate steered it differently, its feet could have belonged to a dancer, rather than stealing across shadowed worlds to take what is not theirs to take. Shadows, dancing on the fringes of his person, cloaking him. Fear permeates the air that clings to his silhouette.
He is here.
But he is not the real driving force, for he is only the puppet to his master. His master is spared the destructive guilt that eats this dancer, this thief, from the inside out. His master is spared the burning images of its prey’s faces, lives, forever branded in an irreversible tattoo against the red of his eyelids. Like the pathetic coward he is he sends his bandit, his thief of the night, who suffers these burdens for him while acting on his orders. The thief lives in darkness, eternally shrouded in mystery. His name, his face, his identity also take refuge in the blackness that resides within; except for one boy, one small, unexceptional boy who witnesses everything.
Moon-saucers sitting in an impossibly tiny face, etched with the forgotten laugh-lines of youth. Moon-saucers, wide and filled with surprise and a touch of fear, bordered with thick, dark lashes that would have concealed them had they not been as eerily large as they were. The barest hint of future sorrow, of possible confusion and pain, is visible there in this second; this second when the boy with moon-saucer eyes first sees the thief of the night commit his midnight crime.
Before I continue, please allow me to make one small correction to a previous error on my part - the boy with moon-saucer eyes is not unexceptional. He is nothing of the sort. In fact, he is something as entirely far from unexceptional as a boy with moon-saucer eyes can be.
That boy is everything.