Slowly lifting my torso up, I bring my legs around to sit on the edge of my bed once more.
I'm wide awake now - the intensity of the situation finally hitting me.
This is what I've been waiting for. I'd always promised that I'd never take pills to do this - that once I got the hang of natural sleep, I'd be able to do it whenever. Every night.
But all I need is pills. Every night.
There's no label on the box, so I drift back to when my mum took them. Two, just before bed time. About, fifteen minutes to kick in?
Remembering this was hard, but it didn't matter. I guess if I took too few, I'd know how many to take the next time.
...Maybe because they were old, maybe I should take more?
These are at least six months old. So four should do it, right?
Opening the tube, I saw six small pink pills. Shaking them out of the plastic, they landed in my hand, and I put two back into the box.
I sat, staring at them for a moment. I realised how easy it was to do all this time. It was just lying in plain sight. My release. My salvation.
Smiling to myself, I brought my hand up to my mouth, popped the pills in, swallowed, and lay back down.
I smiled even more, knowing that in about fifteen minutes, I'd be in a deep sleep.