Monster, My FatherMature

I cuddle into mummy, my eyes slowly closing

Daddy's arms come around me, lifting me up

"Time for bed, sweetheart."

"I'm not sleepy."

I feel his deep laugh in his chest as I fight to open my eyes

"It's late darling, time for bed."

"But I'm a big girl, I'm five!"

He laughs again

"Even big girls need their sleep."

I grumble as daddy holds he in his arms

Mummy kisses me goodnight, then daddy takes me upstairs

I won't look at daddy, he's sending me to bed

He lays me down and tickles me until I smile

I'm not mad anymore

He sits down beside me and reads me my favorite book

I'm asleep before the final page

I feel him kiss my cheek

Then he leaves, leaving my door open a little

The light is on in the hall, clever daddy

He remembers I'm scared of the dark


I wake up to the screaming

Mummy and daddy are still downstairs

Someone is crying

Is it mummy? Why is she so sad?

There is more yelling, then something breaks

Mummy's crying gets louder

I want to go to her

"Everything's OK mummy."

But I'm scared

There is so much noise

I hear daddy use words I don't understand

Some I know, but they are bad words

Mummy says that I should never say them

Is daddy saying them to her?

Why is he so mad?

I want to tell daddy to stop yelling at mummy

But I can't move

There is a loud slapping noise, then nothing

Mummy has stopped crying

Daddy is coming up the stairs

I see him through the gap in the door

Why are his hands red?

Daddy scares me now


Mummy comes into my room to wake me

I cry when I see her face

She looks horrible, cuts on her lip and above her eye

Her cheek; purple-blue and swollen

Five small bruises on her neck

"Mummy, what happened?"

"Mummy fell downstairs last night, honey."

I know she is lying, but I don't say so

Mummy says its only OK to lie if it's really important

But I see, she knows I know

She pulls me close and hugs me

"Our little secret."

I nod, I understand


Daddy comes home late tonight

He has presents for mummy and me

He gives me a new teddy-bear, she's pink and smells of roses

He gives mummy flowers and hugs her, saying he loves her

Mummy smiles and hugs him back

I know she is happy again

We sit together and watch movies all night

It is Saturday, so I can stay up

After the movie, I pretend to go to bed by myself

I stand at the doorway and watch them

They can't see me

Daddy cries as he hugs mummy

"I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry. I love you"

Mummy cries too, but she is smiling

She knows daddy is telling the truth

"I love you too."

I go upstairs to bed knowing everything is going to be OK.


Dad lied to us

He promised he would not hurt mum anymore

Every night, I hear her crying while dad yells at her

I hear as he hits her

He always told me hitting was wrong

Dad is a bad man, mum says so

But why is dad being so mean to mum?

What did she do wrong?

I can't say anything to stop him

I'm not supposed to know


I can't listen to her cry anymore

It scares me

I run to my door, yanking it open

I run to help her

I stop at the top of the stairs, frightened by what I see

Dad towers over mum, screaming down at her

Mum kneels in the corner, her face smeared with blood and tears

Someone screams as Dad raises his hand again

Is it mum, or me?

Dad turns and sees me, his eyes wide with surprise

Mum tries to run to me, to stop me seeing more

She trips and falls, Dad tries to catch her

He misses, and she crashes to the floor

There's a loud bang as her head strikes the table

Then she lays still

Dad calls her name, over and over

He starts to cry

But she just lies there

She doesn't answer

Her eyes are open, they look at me

But she doesn't move

A bright red pool forms on the carpet around her face


I was ten years old when my mother died

Then my father turned on me


He'd never hit me before tonight

He had threatened, but it had only ever been words

He was angry all the time now

But he was worse when he was drunk

I knew when he came home that tonight was going to be bad

Sometimes he sings when he drinks, these nights are good

But most of the time, he swears

Tonight, no songs as he comes home

Only drunken curses

 He asks if I've had dinner, was there some for him?

He'd only left out enough for one

He usually eats when he is out

"I thought I left enough for two."

"You'd remember if you weren't so drunk!"

I didn't mean to say it, I couldn't control myself

The next thing I know, I'm on the ground

My lip is sore and wet

I taste blood inside my mouth

He hits me again, harder

His fists come raining down on me

The more I scream, the harder he strikes out


The attack stops as suddenly as it began

Dad throws himself away from me

His entire body is shaking

He sees my blood on his hands

As he looks at me, his eyes become clear

Tears roll down his cheeks

He steps towards me, stopping as I flinch away

Afraid of him

He holds his arms out to me

Slowly, I go to him

He holds me tight, kissing my bruised and bleeding face

"What have I done to you?"

I shake with his arms around me

I've seen this all before

He whispers he's sorry, stroking my hair

He sounds so sincere, I almost believe him

But then I remember mum

He said all of this to her, promising he would never hurt her again

Just as he promises me

I nod that I believe him, but I know he is lying

I would speak, but it hurts too much

"I'll never hurt you again."

He vows,  gently wipes the blood from my face


But that was just the beginning


Tonight he had been brutal, I thought it would not end

I cry as I look in the mirror, at the damage he has done

Where there is no cut, there is a bruise

No space is left untouched

But that is not why tears now stream from my eyes

It is not my face I see

It is mum's

I see her now, from that night, years ago

He had started with her, but why?

He had always said he loved us

Was this the way he showed it?

He was her loving husband by day, and always did right by her

But at night, the monster came, and took my father's place

When mum died, my father did too

And the monster took over for good

It has been four years since he first hit me,

Since then, it's never stopped

How was I to know, as I wiped the blood and tears away

That tonight had only just begun?

He wasn't finished yet.


I had not been asleep long, when my door began to open

I shake beneath my covers

What more could he do to me now?

He calls my name; I can smell the alcohol on his breath from here

I don't answer

A voice whispers inside my head:

Pretend you're asleep, and you'll be safe

My door closes again, and I hear his footsteps

I start to breathe a sigh of relief

Until I realize, his footsteps aren't fading; they grow louder

He is in the room with me!

I hold my breath, terrified, waiting for what's to come

He curses as he kicks my desk; he's forgotten that I've moved things

But now he finds what he is looking for

The mattress groans under his added weight

He moves the covers down to my waist

The lower still, flinging them from the bed entirely

Now I  start to panic

The voice inside my head is screaming:


He grabs a hold of me and throws me back down

Before I can move again, he is on top of me

Pinning my arms above my head, he traps me under him

Dear God, help me! Make him stop!

I struggle beneath him with all my strength

He shouts something at me, I can't hear it

I'm screaming and crying, begging him to stop

He shifts his position above me, trapping both my wrists in one hand

With the other, he tries to silence me

His hand goes over my mouth, it covers my nose as well

I stop screaming; I cannot breathe!

His grip grows tighter, my struggles grow weak

Soon, darkness takes me


I open my eyes, my head pounding

Sunlight pours into my room

I look down at my bare legs, covered in blood

The horrors of the night come flooding back

In an instant I am sobbing so hard I cannot stop

How could he have done that?

My father, the man who was supposed to love me,

The man who was supposed to protect me

Had hurt me in ways I could never imagine

My father...Dear God, my own father!

He had raped me.


It has been two years since that night

At first, I thought it wouldn't happen again

I promised God anything he wanted to make it so

But only two months had past before he came for me again

As time went on, he came to my room more frequently

Now, he comes for me almost every night

I quickly learned not to fight him

It only makes things worse

Last night was the worst it had ever been

He was not content with pinning me to the mattress

He wanted use of his hands too

Last night...he had tied me down

The ropes cut so tight

My wrists bled as I struggled against them

I was no longer his daughter

No longer his sixteen year old little girl

I had become no better than a common whore

An object on which he could vent his frustrations

Last night, he continued to beat me as well

Every inch of me; nothing was spared

I knew there would be new bruises tomorrow

Joining the old ones

Refusing to fade away


This morning when he left me

He left me tied to the bed

Not a stitch covered me

I was left bound, no better than an animal

I screamed for him for hours,

Begging him to let me go

I never felt so helpless

Or so worthless

I found myself wishing with all my heart

Let him break, let him kill me!

I didn't want to live anymore


It was just a few hours ago

I had screamed myself hoarse

That he came to me

It was late afternoon when he came running into my room

Was this he same man?

His clothes were washed, his face shaved

His hair a glossy black

This was not the form of the monster,

Bringer of torment and insufferable pain

No...this was the man who once loved his daughter

This was my father


The regret and sorrow in his eyes seemed so real

Does he really mean it?

He unties my hands, his touch gentle and loving

He wraps me in a sheet and carries me to the bathroom

The strength in his arms...

Used every  day to deliver blow after painful blow

Hold me tight as I tremble against him

"It's OK sweetheart, I swear. Everything is going to be OK from now on."

I want to believe him

Could it really be true?

After so long, had my father finally come back to me?

He gently wipes the blood away

Rubs cream into my skin, soothing the bruises

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. But I promise you, I'll never hurt you again."

He turns the water on in the shower for me

Then leaves me alone

I could not believe it.

How could this have happened?

All these years, had they just been a horrible nightmare?

I glance in the mirror, and find my answer


Once again, I see mum's face reflected there

Staring back at me

Her words come floating back

Daddy is a bad man

Whatever this was, it would not last

Soon, my father wold disappear,

And the monster would return

The creature had taken my father from me

It would not stop until I was dead, like her

Why else would it hurt me so?


I step into the shower

The water causing both comfort and pain

From downstairs, Dad calls my name

I hear voices that are  not his

He has guests

I step from the shower, wincing as the towel scratches over old wounds

Dressed in long sleeves and pants

I answer my father's call

Men i don't know crowd the lounge room

"Good God girl, your face!"

My eyes dart to my father's face in an instant

The monster's eyes flash dangerously

His face a mask, revealing nothing

But those eyes promised much

I shrug my shoulders, attempting to smile

"I fell down the stairs."

The smile returns to my father's face

He places a hand on my shoulder

I knew he'd make me pay,

But I couldn't help myself

I flinch as he raises his arm

His hand on my shoulder tightens

Just for a second

Warning me of the oncoming storm

I have to get out of there

Before I make it worse for myself

"Father, I'm not feeling well. May I go to bed?"

The monster grins down at me, nodding

"I'll be up soon."

I shake with fear at the promise

I cannot stop


I know what is coming, what he plans to do

Tonight I am ready

At last, the last guest leaves

Now, it comes.  It is time

The monster charges into my room

I can't say I am not frightened

I am terrified

But tonight is it

Tonight, it all ends

He grabs me by the hair

Throwing me to the ground

His feet stomp and kick

I cannot help myself

I scream

The blows fall all over

Wilder than ever before

It is not long before I taste blood

My legs can no longer hold me

I fall

A broken, sobbing, bleeding mess

Laying weak and defeated at his feet

He drags me to my feet by my hair, then throws me aside

My head strikes the desk

Blood pours from the wound

Still, he is not done

He grabs me again, throwing me onto the bed


He comes at me again

This time I am ready

My hand closes around his straight razor

Surprise flashes in his eyes

He laughs and tries to take it from me

I am too fast

At once, the blade is deep in his chest

Again and again

The blade gleams red

At last, he falls to the floor

The blade falls from my hand

I kneel to meet his gaze

One last time

"I swear father, you will never hurt me again."

He tries to speak

The blood catches in his throat

Until at last, the light dims in his eyes

The monster's breath stills

His heart beats its last

I look up and catch sight of a face in the mirror

My beautiful mother, the horrors of our past gone from her face

She smiles out at me, waiting

I know I will soon be with her again

I am dying, but I don't care

I have won

At last, it is over

At long last

"Mum, we are free."

The End

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