Monster Games. Coming never to nowhere near you! Who will be the Champion!
In an alternate world where all non-humans have been rounded-up and forced to cavort for the entertainment of the proud possessors of a pulse, the Monster Games are about to begin!
(That’s clapping folks, just keep it up)
Heeeeere’s your host!
“Do we have an outstanding final for you tonight! It’s utterly awesome in every way!”
“Here they come, your fantastic finalists! What terrors will they face tonight folks? What heights? What lows? What screams? Who will score? Who will fall? Who will be scraped up into a bag?”
The host’s black bouffant bounces enthusiastically as the reluctant contestants are dragged onto the stage in comically huge manacles.
“It’s Tongue-tied Tania, the timid elf! She’s gone through a lot, hasn’t she just! Last week we had her hauling iron bars! But don’t worry folks because she’s all healed up and raring to go!”
“Then we have our wonderful wimpy werewolf! Ronald! Give him a cheer! Give him a chance! Give him a biscuit! Only joking Ronnie! See, I’ve hurt his feelings - look at that face!”
“The yellow yeti! Ain’t she the cutest? Give the crowd a smile Lola – they’re all rooting for you!”
“Nervous Nicholas! He’s a vamp! He’s a champ! He gobbled garlic for you last week and lived to tell the tale! What’s in store for him tonight?”
“Zoe the zombie! What are the chances? Last week she came apart before our very eyes! But she’s sewed herself together and is hungry for more! More! More!”
“Stuttering Simon, the littlest Lilliputian! He may be small but he’s quick! Dodged the boot last week! Came out without a scratch! Let’s hear it for Simon!”
“And who could forget Cowardly Cathy, our lovely, loopy Succubus! She’s a real beauty, ain’t she? So slinky, so slippery! Top of the leader-board! Those whips should have had her hide but she danced clear!”
“Who’s up first? You decide! Every finalist is up there. Press your buttons now! Will it be Cathy, will it be Nick? Will it be Tania?”
The host bites his lip and the wretched contestants tremble. Who will it be?