Melissa sat, her arms wrapped tightly around his naked body. She thought, all she wanted was absolution; atonement for her sins. She could think of no one that could give her that, no one except the almighty. She cursed; she would never get atonement apart from when she died. But that would be a very long time. You only get one life, live it. What do you do when your lifetime spans over eternity? She sighed; still make the most of it. Right now, she figured, Lazarus was the only thing in her life, her only fragment of absolution. So she had to cherish him for that, she was a vampire, a blood-sucking, monstrous, immortal, inhuman killer. She knew strength came from mind and soul not body, so her strength had to come from acceptance. Acceptance for what she was. She held him close to her chest and shook her head softly; she was tied to him in more ways than one. Blood link, marriage, love and devotion. She brushed his hair from his face and kissed his forehead softly. She just needed to accept the beast, make it her, learn from Lazarus; learn control. The beast was her and it wasn't. She glanced at her shadow, her beast, created from the light in her soul, the shadow; her dark side. She felt the beast within her, sleeping, stirring. The only time it would awake was if she refused herself, refused the call of the night, of blood. She knew now. Blood was her salvation, control was her salvation. Lazarus was her absolution.
She held Lazarus' face in her hands and stared into his mournful blue eyes. "Don't cry." She murmured, noticing the tremor in his voice.
"Your lip is trembling Lazarus. You look as if you're going to.""I'm not. I need to get dressed."
She tightened her embrace on him. "I'm sorry."
"You know, I understand now, sort of."
"You said, 'I guess I wasn't salvation enough for you, huh?' You were right. You're not." He nodded wordlessly and pried her arms from him; he got up to get dressed.
She sat and murmured beneath her breath. "You're my absolution."
"You're my absolution." She tilted her head slightly, looking up at him.
He sat down on bed and looked at her incredulously. "How does that work?"
She rested her back against the wall. "I shouldn't fight myself. I should just try to control it, the beast. If I drink regularly the beast will be at bay." She explained. "Therefore blood is my salvation, as is control." She paused, closing her eyes. "I sought absolution, I was blind. I've already found it."
He frowned. "So... you only just realised something I was telling you months ago?"
"After nearly killing you, it's a hard slap in the face."
"Hmm" He agreed.
"But I thought; only one person could forgive me. But that would be forever. So I thought closer to home."
"Oh." he muttered, for lack of better words.
She frowned at the lack of an answer and pulled her knees up to her chest, cradling herself. "I'm sorry; I must have angered you when I left."
"It's fine. I was more worried, than angry."
"Still, I'm sorry. I must be such a pain." She laughed dryly.
"No," He got off from the bed and perched next to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'd already forgiven you when I was half way down the road."
"What d'ya mean 'why'?"
"Why did you forgive me?"
"For disappearing on me."
"But how, how could you forgive me? I mean I left you. I knew you'd be angry..."
"I'll always forgive you, Melissa."
A weak smile appeared on her lips and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me for it."
She nodded. "Sorry."
"You don't need to apologise, either." he smiled.
"Sor..." She paused and nodded.
His smile widened as she stopped herself. "Thank you for coming back."
"I was always going to come back; it was when I hadn't quite decided on."
"Thank you for coming back so quickly then?"
She shook her head. "No need." She smiled, holding herself away from him at arm's length. "I don't think you'll have any problems from me anymore."
She nodded. "It's either do or die." She shrugged. "I'd prefer to drink than die thank you."
"I had hoped you already had that one figured out after four hundred years,"
"I have, I just never realised that drinking blood is the lesser of two evils."
"Mmm," he closed his eyes and pulled her tighter, glad she was back.
"I was only gone a matter of moments, what's wrong?" She asked shocked by his sudden embrace.
"Nothing, I just got myself in a state trying to find you, I was convinced you were going to leave."
She looked at left hand and smiled. "Nope, I'm bound to you, in more ways than one."
She rolled her eyes and flung her arms around his waist. "You know that's not true."
"It is, you just don't see it that way," he laughed
"I see I'm not the only one with self-confidence problems."
"No, but mine didn't come about because of what I am, just who."
"And which do you think is worse?"
"I don't know. Both are pretty bad, but I find it a lot easier controlling the wolf than I do my emotions."
"I noticed." She grinned. "But there is nothing wrong with who you are."
"You mean apart from the explosive emotions?"
"No. There is nothing wrong with you."
"Now, now, let's not start another argument."
"Then we shall agree to disagree." She grinned, using most of her strength to hold him close to her comfortingly.
"Indeed." he murmured, enjoying the close contact.
"I'm not holding too tightly am I?" She muttered, concerned. " 'cause you don't get any closer than this" She laughed.
"This is fine"
She grinned. "Oh good. I missed you, you know. I'll never leave again."
"You weren't gone that long," he laughed.
"Even a second is too long." She whined.
"It is," he agreed.
She sighed, breaking their embrace. "Night is almost over."
He looked out of the window. "Time for bed, then?"
She tilted her head. "Are you tired?"
She nodded. "I'm really awake." She mumbled, "but sleep if you want."
"I could probably stay up another couple of hours, but I don't think my body appreciated being pushed so hard today."
"No. I guessed." She nodded. "Would you like anything?"
"I might order some more food, actually." he put a hand over his stomach as it growled in agreement.
She nodded. "Okay. I don't think I'll be hungry in a while..." She added.
"I didn't think so."
She shuddered at the thought. "I'm sorry, I drank so much then just wasted it... your blood. It's precious and I squandered it."
"It's not precious, don't worry about it."
"It's not precious!" She exclaimed, shocked. "Of course it is!"
"It's not like I can't make more..."
"But still! It is so very important; it's your life source, the very thing that keeps you alive. Without it you'd... you'd be a corpse!"
"You didn't take that much, Melissa. I didn't even pass out," he laughed
"I took more than I needed, and she still wanted more, how greedy!"
"It's okay. You can take more from me than you can from a human anyways."
"But never more than I should, I mean they always say too much of a good thing is bad for you and it's so stupid that I took so much, I couldn't even handle it! I'm sorry..."
"It's fine." He laughed. "I'm beginning to be grateful I'm a werewolf these days."
"We have a lot more blood than humans."
"Yeah. That's not much of an upside to way down the downside.
"No, but I'm strong enough to handle you. I think that's a pretty big upside."
"Well it's good to know that if I get out of control you can over-power me."
"I didn't even know I had that defence mechanism," he chuckled.
"I think we saw the outcome of the two teeth against a hulk of pissed off muscle."
"That was while I was fighting as well. If we were one it would've been harder. I didn't allow it to use any of my powers."
"Pfft. Let me have this one." he laughed.
She nodded, "fine, you always beat me in physical things anyway." She shrugged.
"I'm sure it won't stay true forever,"
"Why, what do you expect to happen?"
"Nothing in particular, I just find it hard to believe that a century from now I won't have been overpowered by you at some point," he shrugged.
"Well I hope we never fight like that again ever, let alone in the next century." She sighed, taking off her dress she laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"I wasn't suggesting we would,"
"Then how will I overpower you?" She asked, confused.
He shrugged again. "That's for us to find out." He walked over, laying on the bed beside her.
She sighed. "I hope I don't. I mean, I don't want to hurt you and I like where I am with you now."
"You won't hurt me."
"If I ever overpower you I fear I will."
"Depends why you're overpowering me," he grinned.
She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, "hmm?"
"I'm thinking of a time when you made me sorry. In fact, I guess you have already overpowered me. You pinned me to my kitchen floor."
She blushed. "Oh yes. I remember." He laughed and kissed her on the cheek.
She smiled. "I'm sorry."
"For when I pinned you down like that, I invaded your... personal space wrongfully."
"I don't think I minded."
She nodded absently, "still..."
She shrugged. "I won't do it again." She mumbled.
"I said I didn't mind."
She raised her eyebrow again. "Honestly." She giggled.
She shook her head. "So, you said it got better..." She mumbled.
"That I did. What of it?" He asked slyly.
"Why would I lie?"
She shrugged, "care to prove it?"
"You caught onto the idea of make-up sex very quickly."
Melissa tilted her head innocently. "What?"
She shook her head softly. "Nope."
"You're so innocent for someone that's seen so much of the world."
"I've seen the world, sure doesn't mean I've experienced it." She shrugged.
"Mmm. I'll see what I can do about that." he smiled, hiding the tiredness in his expression.
"You don't have to if you don't want to." She whispered, concerned.
"I want to, I'm just worried I won't prove my point in this state," he laughed
"Then sleep." She whispered, running a hand through his hair.
"Ah, but then I'll feel bad about leaving you hanging."
"I did it to you." She shrugged, keeping her voice as soft as she could. Feeling a little upset remembering what she did.
"Yes, but I didn't mind." he repeated.
She thought in her head before shaking it. "So that's why you stormed off and went to get alcohol." "It's your choice." She murmured, finishing it aloud.
"I don't mind." She smiled. "Really. I'm fine."
"I'll make it up to you before we have to go back, okay?"
"You don't have to."
"I know. I want to."
She nodded, kissing his forehead. "Fine, but for now, sleep."
"I love you." He murmured.
"I love you too." She smiled, pulling the cover over them.
He tightened his grip on her and closed his eyes, resting his forehead on her shoulder. She smiled, slowly drifting to sleep as well. Her arms wrapped around him comfortingly.