Evaline arrived at about 8 o'clock and the moment she saw me as a teary mess on the bed she went to run me a bath. "What happened?" she asks helping me to my feet. I can't answer her because truthfully its not that bad. Sure its gonna hurt Zane and its worth crying over but not worth creating a fuss over.

"I'd rather not talk about it" I tell her hugging my stomach. Evaline nods and leads me to the bathroom where the bath is fully run. Its not scented but it looks nice non the less. Evaline leaves and I don't hesitate in getting off my clothes to slip straight into the warm water. Once again it feels like its washing away all my worries but this time they all swarm back at me like a tsunami. Heaving a sigh I dip below the water opening my eyes feeling like the blur in my vision represents my confusion.

Swirls of words and things that I can't find a solution to. A knock on the bathroom draw and I sit up from below the water. "Yes?" I call.

"Your Paus is here to see you, miss. He looks very distressed" Evaline says. "I made him wait outside in the corridor"

"T-thank you, Evaline" I mutter but remain in the bath. I open my mind to Zane and thoughts hit me like a splash of cold water. He had tried to talk to me but I didn't answer him. I had been blocking him out? I didn't even realise which is scary.

'Where have you been?' Zane's mind screams and I wince lifting myself out the bath. I wrap a towel round my body and fiddle with the ends trying to think of an answer.

'I-I needed some time alone' I tell him. Zane doesn't relax. He's too angry to relax and I realise it's cause he knows something is wrong which I'm not telling him. I can't tell him cause I'm not ready. Not ready to let him go which may be selfish but I just can't.

Zane doesn't press me to tell him the truth and instead bristles with anger. Each spark of it stirring guilt within me. I slip out of the room grabbing my under clothes from Evaline before putting them on in the bathroom and coming out for her to dress me. I take a slow deep breath looking at the outfit which unlike the others falls to the ground over my figure. It doesn't hug my figure though or keep away from it. It just falls over it. 

The top half though is a off the shoulder long sleeves and the fabric of the dress hugs my stomach which is pulled in slightly by a corset. Then what Evaline has done to my hair is amazing. She's pinned it up in a way that makes it fall like a ponytail. I swallow and turn to my friend with a smile.

"Thank you, Evaline" I says sincerely.

"Anytime, Tiara" she says with a curtsy before gesturing I should leave first. Taking a deep breath I walk towards the door with a grace I didn't know I had ruining it at the last moment with a clumsy trip. I open the door and Zane turns. He opens his mouth to say something but falls silent at the sight of me.

"Like?" I say with a brief sheepish smile. Zane swallow and merely nods looking away. I sense the guilt rising in him for being angry at me but still an uneasiness that he doesn't know could be completely understood had he know what I had said to Callen this morning. "Zane, I-"

"Shall we go to breakfast?" Zane asks not realising I had begun to talk. So like the coward I was I merely nodded and allowed him to take my hand. As we walked though I felt worse because I wanted to love Zane. I wanted to be with him despite what I said to Callen this morning.

Was that just from guilt? I didn't know but it was causing horrible mess of confusion within me. I forced myself to take slow breath and Zane came to a stop looking at me.

"Are you okay?" he asks stepping up to me and stroking my cheek. I lean into it naturally and feel horrible for doing so. Then I stop myself. No, I will not feel bad for this. I am still with Zane. Until I'm ready to confess that I love Callen enough to leave Zane I will not feel guilty for being with Zane.

"I'm fine" I say looking up at him. Zane nods excepting my words leaning down to press his lips upon mine. I let him kiss but his lips don't seem to fit mine. They'll feel heavy and awkward. I pull away with a frown. "Are you okay?"

Zane looks down. "I...I feel scared, Nyla" he whispers slipping his arms round my waist. I look up at him and he rests his forehead on mine. My breathing comes out ragged as I begin to suspect the worse.

"Scared of what?" 

"That I'm gonna lose you and not know what to do" he whispers looking me straight in the eye. His eyes are full with pain and fear which hits me like a bullet to the heart. I try and get in a steady breath but I can't because the guilt I'm feeling is so overwhelming. "I don't want to force you to be with me though cause you feel like you should or you don't want to hurt me. I want you to be happy, Nyla"

I'm left speechless. "Zane..." I breath stroking his cheek. He looks at me waiting but I just look away. "Please don't talk like that"

"I'm only being honest. Sometimes..." Zane stops drawing in a slow breath. "Sometimes I feel like you'd be better with Callen. He seems like a decent guy and.... I know he loves you more than me. You can't deny it" he adds the last part when I indeed open my mouth to protest.

I look down. This is the perfect chance to tell him but as I look back up at him I know I can't. "No, Zane.... I don't want you to worry if I'm happy. If... If I'm ever unhappy I will tell you but right now... No, I am not"

Zane's face relaxes and he pulls me to him tightly. I slip my arms round him resting my head on his chest. What am I doing?

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Author guidance for This story

Pashorian Words

Pashorian - a psychic being originating from the realm of Pashor

Paus - A human or Pashorian linked to another through psychic gift

Bousnac - Hell

Guardian - King or Queen of the northern area's of Pashor

Tiara - Princess

Crown - Prince

Warrior - A soldier or Knight

Romari - A Pashorian flower close in appearance to a daffodil but red

Tulia - A Pashorian flower close in appearance to a tulip but only blue or white.

updated Mar 10 by CrystalRose