I was a pariah.
He did what he did- he killed the person I was. My mother's child, my friends' friend. That version of Callum is dead.
And I was the pariah.
I remember my first day back at school after it happened. So many different kind of stares, echoes of hushed whispers flowing uniterrupted through the halls. I could hear and see everyone's judgement.
One girl in particular waltzed angrily up to me, her eyes boring into me."He had so much going for him. Look what you did!" she threw the words at me like bullets, though they hurt more.
What you did. Look at what YOU did...
He now had a police record. His college acception's had been revoked. He wouldn't be let back onto the basketball team, and a few of his friends wanted nothing to do with him.
That was my fault.
My life will never be the same and I live life constantly balancing on the tip of a knife, inevitably falling into the blackness of depression.
That was my fault.
Whispers carried through the halls, this time louder, and with some snickering.
What happened to me wasn't serious. It was a joke to be laughed at.
I was a punchline.
I spent lunchtime in the library, sitting in the furthest corner from the door, away from the eyes of my fellow students. I sat, staring blankly at a book shelf, not even bothering to read what genres the shelf held. It didn't matter did it? What would knowing the genre of a shelf of books do for my life? What was the point?
What would eating lunch right now do for my life? I had never missed a meal before, and I wasn't hungry now. Normally, I'd still eat. But why? Because I've never missed a meal before?
What would that bring me? There was no trophy for not missing meals.
No trophy for insignificant, meaningless things.
So what was the point?
"Careful." I flinched at the boisterous sound of a member of the basketball team, sauntering up to me with his friends, a hideous smile cracking his face.
"Don't get too near, he might say you raped him" He continued, raising his thick, black eyebrows at me. His friends burst out into guffaws of laughter as they returned to their respective computers, leaving me quivering in my corner, with tears rolling unendingly, soundlessly down my face.
He killed me, and I was paying for it.