I came back home, deciding to stay home today to take care of Hazel, watching her every move.
I sat in a chair reading while Hazel was asleep on the couch. She looked to be so at peace. I decided to make her lunch awhile, secretly mashing her AZT pills inside of it. Now that I began living at their house, she hardly ever takes her pills. So I secretly put them in her food whenever I get the chance. I pick up the tray of food and place it gently on the coffee table beside the sofa, “Hazel,” I gently shook her, “I have lunch for you.”
“Hazel?” I spoke louder.
Still nothing, “Hazel dammit answer me!” I shook her harder, tears reaching my eyes. I touched her hand, cold, “Oh my God.” I rushed over to the phone and dialed 911, “I need an ambulance. My girlfriend is unconcious on the couch..No she isn’t breathing…about 26…22 Sunrise St….I don’t know! Look just get over here quick! Please.” I sobbed into the phone, “I have to call her son’s school awhile. Please.”
Please, God, not her.
The doctor walked up to Liam and I with a sympathetic face, “How bad is it?” I first asked. Best to get the worst over first. He sucked in a breath and said, “Well she’s okay for now. The virus attacked her white blood cells and made them attack her heart. She was legally dead for about a minute or so, but the people in the ambulance managed to get her heart going again. Shes concious now if you want to talk to her.”
I nodded and walked in with Liam. At the sound of people entering her room Hazel straightened her back a little, sea green eyes foggy from the pain relievers, “Liam, Joel.” She simply stated. Liam ran up to her and gave her a hug, tears finally falling, “I thought you were gone Mommy.”
“Oh no, Im too strong to go without a fight honey.”
“Mommy, I’m sorry for anything that I’ve ever done bad. And I love you.”
“Aww I love you too dear.” I walked up as she said this, making her look up, “Joel, I’m sorry…I-I was going to tell you…I’m sorry.”
“I’m fine. To be honest I already knew.”
"You did? For how long?"
“Not too long ago,” I lied, “I found your AZT pills in your cabinet. Ever since I’ve made sure you took them in whatever way. Why didn’t you tell me from the very beginning though Hazel? I wouldn’t have run.” I told her sincerly.
“I wanted to so I could warn you….but everything got so caught up and I was…afraid…you wouldn’t want me…”
“Oh no no no Hazel,” I sat on her bed and placed my hand on her cheek, “I would never leave you, not even for this fact of you having AIDS . Never.” Tears fell down her cheeks from these words, “Joel?”
“I love you….a lot.”
“And I love you too,” I leaned down to kiss her forehead gently, “Now would you be okay while I take Liam home? He’s got to go take his AZT .”
“Of course.” I began walking out with her permission, but then Hazel called my name to stop me, “Joel…I just wanted to say…that I will never leave without your and Liam’s permission.” I nodded, understanding what she meant by leaving.