I sat on the check-up table as I waited for the doctor’s results. And boy was it taking forever. It was almost an hour before a short nurse came in to say in a reedy voice, “There was something funny with the tests and we need to take another blood sample.” And Reedy pulls out another needle and my eyes grow wide.
“Don’t worry honey it’ll only take a sec.” Too late. I was already sweating, hyperventilating as she rubbed the alcohol on my arm. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the needle piercing my skin. But then I almost fainted when I felt some of my blood leaving myself.
Thankfully it was finished very quickly. Reedy skiddered out and it was another hour before my real doctor came in with a forlorn expression, “I’m sorry we kept you waiting so long…but we found something…that we weren’t expecting,” He sucked in a breath before continuing, “We found that you and your baby have contracted the virus HIV . Now there’s many programs…”
I ignored everything else the doctor said after HIV
I am going to die young. I’m going to die.
I’m going to die of AIDS .
My child is going to die of AIDS .
And all because of one man…walking along the streets that wanted me, and managed to get what he wanted.
When I got back from the doctor’s I ignored my mother. I went straight up to me room and curled under my covers and waited for the tears to come.
I heard my door open and my mom came up and wrapped her arms around me for comfort. “What did they say?” She asked quietly.
The tears came, “HIV.” I merely said. She understood and held me tighter.
As if being told you were raped, then pregnant wasn’t bad enough, now the child that I decided to keep is infected with the same terrible disease as me: HIV .
I just wish it would end, that things won’t get worse.******
Ok, I just need to take a step back and breathe. Things will be okay, I said to myself. There’s treatment, there’s pills to help your immune system out.
What am I saying? It still doesn’t change the fact that we’re infected anyway. Will kids get bullied in school for that? I hope not.
“Hazel, can you at least pay attention to me for a second?” Ms. Andrews sternly brought me back to earth. I shook my head and said, “I’m sorry, just all this stuff happening lately is making me zone very easily.”
“So do you know what your plan is? Are you to keep your baby? And what treatment do you plan to take?”
And then….I began laughing. Ms. Andrews looked at me like I was some nut job…well I was in therapy wasn’t I? “You know, for the first time ever, fate has thrown at me some rocks that I wasn’t prepared to catch. I don’t know what to do. But I’ll get to it eventually.” And I left the therapy session in a fit of hysterics.
Though I was sort of laughing at was has happened to me…I didn’t care.