It was the night before my parents decided to get divorced; however I did not know it at the time. I was four. All I remember was a lot of yelling. I was terrified, so I sat outside in the yard, hidden behind a bush so that everything sounded muffled. After a long time my mum stormed out into the yard, tears rolling down her face, mad with fury. She flung herself onto a chair and curled up into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest. She looked up and stared at the sky and just sat there. Twenty minutes passed and slowly a look of resignation crept onto her face. All this time I stayed hidden, in fear of a sudden new spurt of anger on her part. But since nothing happened, I quietly tip-toed out of my hiding place and, nervously, walked towards her. Her gaze left the sky and fell upon me. She smiled gently and held out her hands, as if to call me into her arms.
“Don’t be scared honey. It’s only me,” I remember her saying. She scooped me up into her lap and held me for a while, gently rocking me back and forth. Tears returned to her eyes, but these were not the same wild ones of anger. These were quiet ones, of an emotion I could not quite comprehend. She stopped rocking me.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her eyes went back up to the sky. “Your daddy and mommy had a small fight. We’ve been having a lot of fights recently. I think that’s all we really do.” She let out a small exasperated laugh. “We didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just that things haven’t quite been going the way we hoped it would have. I know that right now, none of this would be making sense to you, but I’m hoping that someday soon, it will. But for now, just remember, whatever happens, through any situation, I am here for you. I’m always here. I love you” She wiped away her tears and resumed to rock me. “And I’ll tell you this,” she looked back down at me with a look off mischievous fondness, “if you ever have a bad day, one where you feel that nothing is going your way, just look at the stars. They have a sort of calming effect. Well, at least they do on me. And I hope they do on you too.”
We spent a long time in silence, staring at the stars.