Last night was a result of Matt being really tired from not being able to sleep all night. My parents were home and so was Shacel and Jasmine, and they were pretty much up all night. Throw in a combination of my dad being a jerk-off about how "unfilipina" it is of me to treat Matt more than just a boyfriend and trying to control how I should treat my relationship with him. Then, just an accumulation of thoughts and regrets and how much I hate my life and how alone I felt when Matt had to go back to Bowmanville at noon and me not wanting to go back to the place I hate the most, I froze for a good couple hours; staring at a rusty old wooden bridge from a questionably unsafe park swing set; swinging pathetically, as my mind wandered to depressing thoughts while flecks of fluffy snow flowed onto the already frozen grass. Then having no where else to go, but back to the place where I hated it most. To sleep in a bed where I hate it most. And to cry and blubber like a lunatic that, for a glimpse, thought everything would be alright. And the most disturbing and depressing part is that I've been confined and with held from interacting from people for so long, I didn't know what to do with my self, I didn't know who to turn to, or call up to meet up with, or anything. I never felt so alone, and so cold, than I did today. And a part of me wished that there was a little voice in my head, just so I could talk to someone. But nothing, and rereading what I just wrote, I must sound like the most depressing, angst mother fucker you've ever met.