Out For A WalkMature

Needing to go out, I slipped out of the house late at night and set off for a long and calming walk. The day had started out gloomy and overcast, with thick dark grey clouds painting the sky, looking ominous and beautiful in their own dark way. As night fell, the clouds had thickened overhead, shielding the stars and moon.

Breathing out a sigh, I walked along with my mind wandering in hopeless contemplation.
My thoughts turned to Hayden, with all of the threats and naming calling that got shouted at him every single day without letting up. All of the bullying that I’ve endured constantly throughout my life, I’ve never had it as bad as Hayden.
He was once at the top of the ladder, looking down from a great view high up only to be mercilessly shoved down to the bottom because he chose to be honest with himself and his peers when he came out as openly gay. My heart went out for Hayden; to have such a turnaround in his life must be maddening and near soul destroying.

Rubbing my hand over my heart, I looked straight ahead; watching as everyone went about their lives, completely oblivious to the pain that raged inside of me.
Everyone seemed so…normal and focused on something. I observed people from young teens hanging out with their friends, parents out on last minute errands with their tired looking children and the elderly shuffling along with their canes and walking frames, everyone enjoying the small amount of freedom they had as they were outside of their homes or work place. The sight of them all mesmerized me, they all made life look so easy when it was anything but. I have only been here for sixteen short years and already I understood more about life’s struggles than most teenagers my age and maybe some adults.
With that thought came the knowledge that most kids my age were out being wild, living free and having fun. Drinking alcohol, doing drugs and experimenting with the opposite and/or same sex, they rebelled against their parents and didn’t have a care in the world. It was the kinds of things that I should be doing; I should be out there enjoying my life too, being a normal teenager and doing normal teenager things.
But when life has beaten you until you’re black and blue, those things become puny in comparison. Life becomes all about surviving until the light blacks out, nobody gets out of life alive, we leave cold, dead and scarred.

“Hey lady! You dropped something!” A loud male’s voice shouted, interrupting me from my dark thoughts.
Turning around, I saw a tall, tanned male hurrying toward me with something clutched inside his hand. I stood there and waited until he was in front of me.
“What was it that I dropped?” I asked him, eyeing his hand curiously then looked up to his face.
Abruptly his face twisted into one of maliciousness and anger.
“Give me your bag.” He said as his fist opened to reveal a sharp and wicked looking knife. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the knife.
He caught my arm and shook me roughly. “I said give me your bag.” He snapped through gritted teeth, with my eyes still locked on the knife, I handed my bag over to him. He snatched it from me, pushed me out of his way and took off running down the street.
I stumbled to the side and watched him disappear around a corner with my bag. Shock flowed through me, making my hands and legs tremble and fight to keep me upright.
“Are you okay?” A passer-by asked me.
I nodded at the stranger and started to make my way home.

Already I could feel my arms aching and stinging with the cuts that would be delivered to them tonight.
For once in my life, I wanted something to go right, just one little thing that would make me happy instead of leaving me bruised and broken, alone and vulnerable in this world. I felt my grip on sanity and will to live slip through my soon to be bloodied fingers.
At least in death, life would have no more horrid surprises for me.

The End

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