I start hearing the sirens in the distance, and focus more sharply on that day long gone, the tears coming continuously. I become lost in the memory, exactly as I intended, and am dragged away from her body by the cops. I don’t stop my tears, knowing that they were important and that I couldn’t let the mask drop for even a second. The officer that had my arms tried to get me to give a statement but I couldn’t talk through the “emotion”. They put me in the back of one of the cruisers and drive me to the station where they put me in a little room to wait. I hang my head and let the tears stop, but keep the memory of that first death in my mind.
The sun was warm on our backs, the water cool. The others wanted to go gather clay from the bottom of the lake, and see if we could take some home. We went out into the water, all of us thinking to get some clay to take home. She followed us out, wanting to play with her big brother. I told her to go back, and that I would play later and that i would bring some clay back for her. She didn’t want to go, but she did. She walked away from us down the beach, down the coast and out of sight. I didn’t realize until later that she had gone further from the camp; further from life.
We played our games and collected the clay and were starting towards the camp when a woman stood on the small ledge hiding the camp. She yelled to us, asking if we had seen where the girl had gone. We stood in the water, quiet and confused...
*click* The door opens and a large man walks in. He has a folder in his hands and sets it on the table as he sits down. He watches me for a moment, studying my eyes and the way I held myself. I don’t try to fool him into thinking that I’m a normal boy, that never really works for long anyway. But I let him see the pain in my eyes, the remembered pain from so many years ago.