Dear Big Nose,
It's all relative. Fatten your face and your nose will look smaller! A steady diet of peanut butter milkshakes should eventually do the trick. Jelly-filled donuts will also help.
Another approach is the fluffy mustache strategy. Let your mustache bush out, giving it a perm might help giving it more body. Eventually it will hide the larger part of your nose. Be careful sneezing though, with that big honker of yours it might cause a backflow and blow out your brains.
Good luck, Bugle Beak.
I have had a life long ambition to become an advice columnist. Since I was a child I have been opening people's mail and writing them long tomes of brilliant counsel.
Recently, I began serving a ten year prison sentence for tampering with the mail. What advice would give me for starting my advice columnist career? I presently have the time to truly invest myself in this endeavor.
Be aware that my mail is being censored by these ********** guards.