Suffering in Silence

Dear Suffering in Silence,

I feel your pain, I really do. Only a few years ago I was placed in a very similar situation - we'll say no more about that. However, unlike you, I possess the necessary intellect and drive to fix the problem without resorting to ineffectual griping.

Here's what I did:

1. I explained to my boss that I was an indispensable employee, upon whom the entire company depended. It helped that I had gotten him very drunk at this point.

2. I demanded a raise.

3. I demanded my own office. (Thereby removing myself from his daily stench.)

4. I presented him with a small gift. (This step is optional) This being a week away at my beach house on the French Riviera.

4. I had planned ahead and had brought along a legal document for him to sign on the likely outcome that he might change his mind in the morning.

Thus my problem was solved.

Yours,

Marius.

 

 

Dear Uncle Marius,

The other kids in my class all pick on me. They are mean ********s. I have a bigger than average nose and this is my Dad's fault because he passed it down to me. The kids in the lunchroom get carrots and hold them up to their faces and pretend to be me, which is just getting me down and they are all *******s who should go ****** a *****.

I don't get much pocket-money. Mainly as my folks are tight. This means I can't afford plastic surgery. Please tell me how I can fix this on a budget and also I would like some hints about revenge. Those ***** are going to get it.

Big-Nose.

 

The End

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