I turned from the placid scene before my eyes and smiled. The persistent drumming in my brain which singed every nerve had ceased, and I felt utterly pleased with myself. It was not the first time I had experienced the sensation; from the ashes of pain flames a feeling of satisfaction; a combination I do not wholly understand. The room was currently flitting with over-excited, pretentious nobodies, who, after injecting you with a condemning look then swept you away in one mighty blow. Swept you under the carpet and beneath the feet of naïve prospective pretentious nobodies, meticulously trained to glare and pout at any rich-looking person in the room. I, as you may have guessed, am neither of these. The room itself certainly reflected its occupiers. Rich mahogany furniture was plastered everywhere for the effect of wisdom and class, attempting to cover up the trashy nature of this gathering but having quite the opposite effect. A large table in the centre of the room displayed an array of unusual foods; battered squid, blackened sea bass and some kind of green, fish-orientated soup which looked suspiciously like bile. It filled the room with an awful stench, which I found quite fitting. The brownish panelled walls made lines shoot up to the ceiling, boxing me into this repulsive scenario. I moved from my current position next to the bookcase unnoticed towards the large bay window, and wished myself a world away.
“So, your mother tells me you no longer wish for your current situation here at Starlen to continue. Is this correct miss?”
A bitter, poisoning voice projected, loud enough for the nearest eavesdroppers to rejoice in this humiliation. I did not move.
“I cannot imagine anything that could please your more I’m sure Mrs Knattle.”
I relished the words as they played around my mouth, left to linger for barely a moment, and then disappear into the past.
“You can make no such assumption my dear; I am merely inquiring why this is so, after such a brief time with us. And, after your initial…objections, you were just starting to catch up with the other ladies here. It must have been excessively challenging for someone of your- well your unfortunate situation.”
Her words were drenched in sarcasm and dripping with distain, as if the sea had plucked them from her ancient lips and then spat them back out into my face. I remained staring blindly out of the window, as though a falling grey leaf had caught my attention. I could feel stinging in my eyes. How dare she? I could hear two girls stood next to the bookcase sniggering joyfully at my pain. I looked down ay my hands and knew what they were capable of. It was enough to abate the festering anger inside of me. How I hated the place. So conformed, so respectable, so utterly anxious to stomp every last thought out of your head so they could iron it out into a mat which the cat pissed on. You could see simply by looking at each and every girl’s vacant eyes and empty face what being here did to you. And as much as I hated it, fought it, struggled against it, I knew I was a part of it.