"It's unusual for most of people to have a complex number as their lucky one. Mine is 32. For the time being..."
It’s unusual for most of people to have a complex number as their lucky one. Mine is 32. For the time being. I’m not a very stable person. I change habits. I change jobs. I change boyfriends. And why not, I change my lucky number. And when that happens? Every time I think it’s the right time to. I keep my previous numbers deep in a closet. My closet. The one that leads to Hell.
You wanna know what Hell looks like, uh? Oh you’ll have that privilege, be sure about that. One day. Some day. Maybe during a day or at night. Maybe during your sleep or while you make love to the woman you love. The same one that may be cheating you while you work like a dog to fead that bitch. One way or another you’ll learn what Hell looks like. And that’s because there’s no Heaven to wait for instead. Yeah we all know the story. That fairytale with the one with the beard. And his father with the biggest one. That white one. Maybe the first existed, I don’t know. I wasn’t even an idea back then. My grand grand grand father wasn’t an idea back then. So I don’t know. But for sure the big guy with that fluffy beard which has the feel of a fresh cotton candy, the sheet for clothing and the long white snowy hair, does not. I think I just described Zeus but who cares anyway. All the mighty Gods look the same to me.
So to end up with this big introduction, what you’re going to hear about is not the proper Hell. No Satan is involved. No burning cauldrons and no little devils running around chasing their own tails waiting forward to roast and torture some billions of christian human flesh. This story is about my Hell. My very own place of torture and pain. A place that whoever gets in, never gets out. Whoever I said? It’s more like whatever but you can say that what enters my Hell is the main characteristic of one’s personality.
My name is Luna and I’m not a vampire. I’m not a werewolf either. I’m not some kind of an enormous and scaring, transforming monster. You could call me a monster though but not the one with the teeth and the hairs. I’m just like you. And even prettier than you. Much more prettier. This is a fact that I found out when I was thirteen.
You should hear my mother. What names did she call me! My star, my angel, my sun, my flower, my princess and my favourite one My fairy! Yes, I was a fairy! A brown haired fairy with green shinny eyes. My proportions was divine. They still are. I am the Golden Ratio itself. Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man and Mona Lisa look like a childish drawing in my sight.
I started to take notice of that after this one incident.
As I said, I was thirteen. What an innocent and carefree age! I had a cousin. His name was Sam. I used to call him Sad cause I didn’t liked the fact that he was so damn handsome and all the girls liked him. All my friends used to please me to come to my house for a visit when he was around. You see he was living in the towns. His mother, my aunt , was my mother’s twin sister. They were both from the Castle Woods. This was were I was living. My mother never left her hometown and her sister came for a visit once in a while.Sad, or Sam if you like, was never speaking to me a lot. I used to tease him and invite him to play but he always gave me that weird look and avoided me. I liked Sam. I wanted to see him like the brother I never had but he didn’t let me. He and his weird look. Those few times I managed to make him follow me and sit with my friends and play, I always ended up regret it cause I was left alone while all my “best friends” flirted with him. He never spoke to them. He just listened. He was always looking at me. I never understood that look. That weird look. It was always the same. That silent, full of lust, look. You can ask me how I knew it was lust? I didn’t. I just know now.
One time my aunt and Sad came for a visit. They had’t come for at least a year. I was so glad I would get to see that piece of human meat again. That’s how I saw him. He was my cousin, after all, pretty or not. By the time I saw him, a big smile was drew upon my face. I run and fell into his arms. He was one year older from the last time I saw him. He was seventeen now and I was only fourteen. He grabbed me with his muscled arms and kissed me on the neck. I felt his breath and realised that he was smiling. I was excited to see that Sad was happy to see me too. As I was enclosed to his hug, I felt something annoying me underneath my belly. Something hard and big. I couldn’t imagine what it was and didn’t learn until he left me from his arms. I grabbed that same spot on my body and while looking down on his pants, I started saying “What...?”
“Oh, that’s my new belt buckle! Do you like it?”, he said full of enthusiasm and show me his buckle after lifting his shirt a little. And there it was standing. A black, oval, metal thing with a curvy, silver cross inside it, in the middle of his belt, exactly underneath his glittering six pack.
“Yeah, it’s nice!”, I answered and gave him a smile without having the slightest idea of what was going to follow.
“I got a motorbike. I was working all year to buy it. It’s a Harley Davidson. I never brought it home cause mom doesn’t know about it so PLEASE don’t tell your mom about it. You’ll kill me!”, he said and smiled at me with a weird way. Not the weird way that he used to look me. A new one. A way that when you’re older and more experienced, you know that this is the time to give that smile back, so you’ll have the night of your life with the one that stands opposite to you.
This wasn’t the Sad I had left one year earlier. He was not even the Sam I had left one year earlier or more. He was a new one. A more confident one. A speaking Sad. He was not even a Sad. He was clearly a Sam! But there was something. Something new and weird about that new Sam. Something that I didn’t like about. Something that gave me the creeps. Something that was appalling me. And in a while later I was mend to find out what that look was meaning. What that whole new Sam (Sad) thing was about.
It was two days later that he payed a visit. Where, you will ask? To my room. Sam had never entered my room. It was like there was some kind of garlic hanging on the door and he was the vampire that couldn’t get through as much as he wanted to. But, finally, he did. When, you will ask? That’s the weirder of all. While I was asleep.
I think it was about 2 a.m. I just heard a noise and opened my eyes. I was sleeping deep. I could always wake up by the slightest sound around. Even if that didn’t come from within my room. I still do. I saw a figure. A darkened figure standing by the door. I felt that the figure was in confusion.
“Mom?”, I asked and I realised that my voice had the volume of an ant walking.
“Mom?”, I said again tried to make my voice louder.
“It’s me.”, he said while still standing at the door. “I can’t sleep.”
“Come inside.”, I told him and made a move to open the light.
“Don’t!”, he almost shouted, taking me by surprise.
I saw the figure walking towards me. He sat on the bed and ask me if he could sleep with me. He was anxious, he said. He had a lot in his mind and couldn’t relax, he said. He just wanted some company for the night, he said. And as I was sleeping I never thought of the new Sam. I never thought how sad he could become. I just made him space and pass him the blanket. I kissed him on the cheek and told him goodnight. That innocent, I was. I let my cousin lay next to me. I fell asleep again and started dreaming. I was dreaming of stars (My star) and angels (My angel), of suns (My sun) and flowers (My flower). Of a princess (My princess) waiting on the tallest of towers for her prince charming to come and rescue her. And of course of my favourite one. Fairies (My fairy!) flying around, throw their glittering pixie dust! I even thought I saw Tinker Bell herself, flying around confused trying to find the way to Never Neverland!
I heard a noise. A disturbing noise. A moaning noise. Some one was moaning. Or screaming? Couldn’t tell the difference. I felt sad. I wanted to help! “Where are you?!”, I shouted. But that noise, that scream was coming from a place near by! From a person near by! It was coming from me! I started to panic and unwittingly opened my eyes and saw him. A beast! A lustful groaning beast who was looking me straight through my -shut before a while- eyes.
While I was regaining my conscious, I felt his buckle. But that time it was inside me and it was made out of skin. It wasn’t even oval. Maybe it wasn’t the buckle. But what it might be? He didn’t take his eyes off of me and the only words he said was “Do you like it? It’s good, isn’t it?”
I tried to reach my pants but they were off.
I felt that something I had mistaken for a buckle.
I touched it.
It was moving in and out of my fairy cave.
I grabbed it and squeezed it. I felt an enormous amount of anger coming out of me while seeing that lustful look on Sam’s eyes and grabbed his whatever that was, that was violating the untouched and sacred hideout of my fairies.
At the beginning I thought he liked that squeezing but I did it harder. And harder. I used my nails too. I heard a whistling sound coming out of his mouth and nose that revealed question and pain. As I was squeezing harder, the question became fear and the fear became panic.
“DO YOU LIKE IT? IT’S GOOD, ISN’T IT?”, I screamed. I had no control of myself. I was captured by a strange force that compelled me to go on and never stop.
“Do you want more?”, I whispered, filled with that same anger, in his ear and pushed the blanket away. I went down on him and took that fleshy long thing in my mouth and immediately started biting it with my teeth, as hard as I could. Sam sounded sad. A screaming sound came out of his mouth that sounded nothing like human. You can say it was more like a cat’s scream when she’s giving birth. Like a goat when the knife slides across it’s throat. Like a woman when she’s being raped in a dark and lonesome alley. I was bitting hard and my mouth would never open, never mind the strength he used to opened it.
I felt myself blown to the other side of the bed with that thing in my mouth. My bed was full of blood. I couldn't see it but I, somehow, could feel it and smell it.
Sam was still screaming when he finally passed out.
That was exactly the scene that my parents and aunt found us when they got frightened into my room.
They took Sam to the hospital but he didn’t make it. He died of blood loss.
That was my first kill. The one that made me realise what a fairy I am! The one that can hypnotise even his -prince charming- cousin, he one that all the girls was in love with. The one that never spoke to me a lot. And when he did, he raped me senselessly.
I never liked men since then. I don’t like women either. I just like myself. But I don’t mess with women. They are the misused ones. The weak ones. Men are not.
So I did it again and again. I did it a lot of times till know. And I always keep my trophies in a place where no one can find them. I keep my previous numbers in a closet. My closet. My Hell!
It’s unusual for most of people to have a complex number as their lucky one. Mine is 32.
Soon it will be 33.