Focus on a Memory

I was sitting down at Ida's kitchen table, a plate of steaming food before me, and a mug of strong coffee wafting it's aroma towards me. We'd gone through a lot in the past hour, from what the training would be like (six months of rigourous daily fighting training, Kashian Stone capture methods, survival techniques, and the unlocking of our abilities), to why my body had changed, and Rory's not so much. I was specifically interested in why I had my body changed and not him. They said males did change somewhat, though not as much as females. But we could not discern any change in Rory's appearance.

"You'll have to ask Rory, maybe he's noticed a change in himself," Ida had commented, while Lily poked her in the ribs for mentioning talking to him, while it was apparent that I was disintegrating inside.

"Hmm," Is all that I had said, trying desperately to keep all locked inside my heart. I would not let my pain break through any more, I feared that if I did, I might never escape the brain numbing ache that was not being with Rory. I closed my eyes as Lily and Ida spoke around me, reminiscing about their fierce encounters with men. I located Rory's beautiful face in my memories, and focused on it, eyes clenched tight.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I sat up, and looked around me, to see my campsite fire smouldering. I jumped and ran to make it come to life again. I did not want to have to relive last night's experience- trying to start a camp fire with flint, in the pouring rain.

I managed to locate a small flame, and helped it grow with air and fuel. I sighed with relief, and sat back against a log. I was camping in some woods, some three hundred miles from where I was calling home at present. Where Evangeline was. I cried quietly for a while, crying for the pain I was experiencing, crying for the pain I was causing. Causing my girl, causing my Evangeline. I splashed my face in the stream running by my camp, crouching on my knees, and felt someway refreshed.

 I got up and stretched, and started packing away all my stuff. I had been travelling for five days now, and I was making steady progress towards my destination. The further I travelled, the more pain I was in, the more pain I inflicted, but the closer I came, to reaching the place, where I might gain safety for Evangeline. And that was the most important thing, I told myself.

 I tried not to dwell on why I had left her in the first place, but I often failed miserably and as punishment spent hours feeling cowardly and like a jerk. I'd left because I couldn't face up to telling Line the truth about my life, my past and my ancestry. What a coward. So I'd ran away, like the weakling I was. Sure, I tried to tell myself at the time that I didn't want to tell her because she was going through so much already, but the truth of it was- I was a coward, and I couldn't face up to losing her if I told her. No matter what she said or promised, I just couldn't believe that it wouldn't kill our relationship, that it wouldn't kill us. But she deserves to know, so I promised myself that I would talk to her the instant I came back, after ensuring her safety. And I was nearing the place, now. So I should be back to her soon. As I headed away from the camp, I picked out my favourite memory of her, her laughing at my stubborness, her lying on me... and sighed. Memories would have to suffice for now.

The End

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