Sally Arrives...
The TV was a bore. Then, a knock at the door. A lovely sound, that made Sam's heart pound. Dinner for two, came in from the hall. Sam looked around, and that was all.
The trolley wheeled in, food fresh from a tin. He paid the lad, with cash from his dad. And then he was sad, on the edge of the bed. Waiting for Sally. And a kiss as finale.
"Be a gentleman," his father always said, "That's how you'll find the one you will wed."
Sam smiled in the mirror, hoping the moment grew nearer. And when she tapped on the door, in decadent decor, he simpered more. And then glum panic struck, and he relied on dumb luck. From a vase he did pluck, a plastic rose worth merely buck.
And queerly he looked, with it clenched in his jaw. For as the door was ajar, she let out from afar, a giggle and guffaw.
"Is that for me?" she asked, enamored with glee.
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THE GOODS
You're currently reading a branch in the story
love shack. This branch
was posted on May 14, 2008 by
Dysphemism.
This story is filed under:
Romance
STORY CATEGORIES
However, I encourage Jait to reply to his own branch. Or someone else. Allie, where are you in all this?
Re: aspidistra (I had to look up the word)
====================================
: an Asian plant (Aspidistra elatior) of the lily family that has large pointed basal leaves and is often grown as a foliage plant
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Polishing? Lawl... nice."
ah well, I shall have to console myself with reading this fun story :)"
"Te amo." she whispered, "Usted es mi todo. Usted es mi querido. Te amo. Te amo."
Care to give us a translation?"
sorry ;)"
Great start to something big. You seem to have a knack for good ideas here, but you still have some work to do.
We all started there too, though, so don't get deflated about it. Things take time to accomplish properly and you or anyone, really needs to look over anything you write and say, is this correct. Am I seeing issues somewhere here?
You'll be able to see problems with structure if you read it allowed to yourself the way its written now. If you find yourself putting breaks in between a sentence, you should probably put a period there, and if you find yourself taking a breath before starting a new sentence its probably a new paragraph.
Granted this isn't a perfect practise, but its a good way to get started. The best way too is to take anyone's opinions and also see where they might put periods or commas, or a new paragraph. Generally when you see a pattern in what they're doing you'll pick up on it.
Doing great though so far, I like your ideas, just keep working at it and read everything over to yourself. You'll see what I mean!"
I have a better way to deal with mid-story deletions in-mind for down the road, but it's not quite ready to go live on the site yet. Apologies for the heavy-handedness for the time being."
If you're using Firefox, there should be a built-in spellcheck... if you're using Internet Explorer, you can just hit the spellcheck button on the text editor's toolbar.
Thanks for contributing!"