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love shack

Sam was goning on holiday today.He was goning to spain he was packing his suitcase. There was a knock at the door his mam went to answer it... There standing at the door was this lovely girl with blonde hair she was called sally. Sally said " can i see sam please"   sams mam shouted "SAM!!!"...... Sam came downstairs " hi" said sally "hey" sam said to sally "i am goning on holiday today" sam softly said "where to " whisperd sally "spain" said sam. Sally was goning to spain as well today and they were goning on the same plane and they were goning on in the same hotal as each other. "i got to go" sally said "ok" said sam "see ya there sam " sally whisperd. So sam went upstairs to carry on packing 10 mins later sam had finshed packing. He and his family went to the airport sam saw sally at the airport and sally saw sam as well. 1 hour later sam and his family go onto the plane and sally got on with her family as well it took 4 hours to get to there and 12 mins to get to the hotal ...........

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20 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "aw jait, and I was hoping this could lead to so many things. The little house in the country, you mowing the lawn, me polishing the aspidistra. Perhaps a bbq on weekends. I am bereft.

ah well, I shall have to console myself with reading this fun story :)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for jait "Ah, that's so sweet. I like you too... Oh, err... you were translating. *Ahem*..."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for allie "everyone thanks for adding chapters and comments"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for jait "Thanks a bunch!"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "You're lucky dude, I'm usually not up this late. But the real world was on and I wanted to watch it."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "Well, you caught me Jay Jay, I speak a little spanish, and yeah, you're definitely on the ball there. That babal-fish or whatever seems pretty accurate. Usually with short form sentences like that they are pretty accurate. So no worries man."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Writers_Block "Hey Allie,

Great start to something big. You seem to have a knack for good ideas here, but you still have some work to do.

We all started there too, though, so don't get deflated about it. Things take time to accomplish properly and you or anyone, really needs to look over anything you write and say, is this correct. Am I seeing issues somewhere here?

You'll be able to see problems with structure if you read it allowed to yourself the way its written now. If you find yourself putting breaks in between a sentence, you should probably put a period there, and if you find yourself taking a breath before starting a new sentence its probably a new paragraph.

Granted this isn't a perfect practise, but its a good way to get started. The best way too is to take anyone's opinions and also see where they might put periods or commas, or a new paragraph. Generally when you see a pattern in what they're doing you'll pick up on it.

Doing great though so far, I like your ideas, just keep working at it and read everything over to yourself. You'll see what I mean!
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for allie "do u like this story any 1 ?"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for surreal78 "Guys, please calm down with the ranting comments and mature content in a non-mature story. I really don't want to have to lock this post down."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for lil_cuttieindiangel "ok fine allie but u need 2 spell check ur work i've added a branch 2 ur story & you can give ur honest opinion 2 it"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for lil_cuttieindiangel "not reallt an exicting story, it's jus plain & boring"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for jait "I'm sorry... I just couldn't resist the sing-song style of this story... It reminded me of a Dr. Seuss poem... and I just loved the idea of trying to tell a teenage romance in that form..."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for surreal78 "Hey Allie.. just a quick tip, but you should probably run posts through a quick spell-check before putting them up. I realize you're new here so just giving you a friendly tip as you get started.

If you're using Firefox, there should be a built-in spellcheck... if you're using Internet Explorer, you can just hit the spellcheck button on the text editor's toolbar.

Thanks for contributing!
"

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