Love Me, Tell Me, Forget Me, Kill Me

They had been friends for as long as she could remember.
They grew up together.
She knew everything about him and he knew everything about her.
What he didn’t know was, that she was in love with him.
When they hung out, he was perfect. He wasn’t an ordinary guy.
He was sweet, charming, cool, and the best part was that he was nice to her.
She had been in love with him ever since middle school, when they went to a new school and he was her only friend.
That is when she discovered how truly perfect he was.
She was now in 9th grade, and her feelings had not changed.
The school dance was coming up, and yet again she had no one to go with.
She prayed that he would ask her.
She would die for him to dance with her.
So during their daily chit-chat before homeroom, she said the most unexpected thing.
She said it. She had said that phrase.
She had dreamt of saying it, but hadn’t ever thought through the impact.
He looked around, anywhere but at her.
Her face had turned a deep red as she looked at the ground. She meant what she said, but had regretted saying it.
Who knew 3 little words could make anything this awkward?
His not responding made her feel really quite silly and like she had said something wrong.
What is wrong with saying what you feel?
The ungodly silence lasted a few moments longer before he mumbled “I have to go to class…” as he raced away. She saw him walk and with every step, she died a little inside. She felt like dissolving into the floor and just disappearing so that no one could see her cry. But she was too embarrassed to cry.
More than anything in life, she wanted to hear him say it back.
But he didn’t.
And just with three little words, she had ruined a beautiful friendship.

She couldn’t focus at all during her next class.
She thought.
About him.
And how he made her feel before she said anything.
She would miss that.
She realized that being in his life as a friend instead of a girlfriend is better than not being in his life at all.
She loved him.
She loved him enough to let him go so that she could still see him every day. To give up her feelings for his..
So she met him at the locker.
She told him that it had been a mistake and that she shouldn’t have said it.
With every lie she told him, she wanted to scream “I’m in love with you!”
But she didn’t.
She slowly died inside as he listened to her lies.
And what killed her even more:

He believed them.

He believed her.
She was both shocked and relieved.
She couldn’t believe he would just be able to forget someone professing their love to him, but at the same time was glad he did.
Things started picking up back to normal.
They talked like it was just a normal Tuesday afternoon, before going different directions
But she felt there was something really wrong.
Things shouldn’t be normal for him because she was getting eaten up inside.
Just like before.
And she was still dateless for the dance.
She still wanted to go with him.
But after today, she had no chance.
She reached the end of the Hallway.
She was about to turn the corner when she saw him running to catch up with her, seemingly out of breath.
She needed gloss.
And fast.
Would it be rude to apply lip gloss while talking to someone?
She needed to act quickly.
Because he was talking.
About the dance.
And Trisha.
Her heart dropped into her shoes.
Trisha was a girl at their school.
She had great grades.
Great hair.
A great smile.
And even worse: Great boobs.
Here was the love of her life talking to her on his game play for asking Trisha to the dance.
She wanted to cry for the second time that day, but he wouldn’t know why. And that would make her look stupid.
So she mustered up whatever she could find in her body; whether it had been dignity or courage, she would never know.

The End

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