I was once again forced to sit in a chair and watch Zoe wander round. She looked up at me and smiled every so often. I just smiled back at her, still thinking about Nas. Zoe beckoned me over. I stood up and walked over to her. She held up a pair of high heeled, knee high boots and raised her eyebrows questioningly.
"They're shoes," I commented.
She rolled her eyes and sat down to try them on. She pulled them on and reached up for me to pull her up. I held her hands and pulled her up. I let go of her and stepped back. She looked at the shoes in the mirror.
"What do you think?" she asked. Again.
"Nice. Are we done now?"
"I think so."
She walked up to me, still a little shorter, and put her arms around my neck. I put my arms loosely around her waist and smiled.
"You have a weird scar there," she said, touching my right eyebrow. She touched my lip. "And there. What happened?"
"I guess you haven't noticed in the photos," I murmured.
"I used to have piercings in my eyebrow and my lip. And my ear."
"What happened to them?"
I frowned. "I ripped them out."
"Why?" she asked, horrified.
"I was angry."
"So you ripped your piercings out?"
"Yeah. So, are we done here?"
"Yeah, we are."
She moved away from me and took my hand. She basically pulled me along as we walked to the tills. She put the basket on the till and the girl gave us a look but scanned all the items. I didn't listen to her as she said the price, I just handed over my card. She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. She handed Zoe the bags who passed them to me. She took my hand, kissing my cheek as we left the store.
"Am I playing donkey then?" I asked, smiling at her.
"What do you mean?"
"'Donkey' is the person who carries everything," I explained.
"Oh, then, yeah, you are."
"We going home now?"
We headed back to the car. I put the bags in the boot and got in. I sighed and tipped my head back.
"You okay?" Zoe asked.
I frowned but hid it from her. I nodded and started the engine. I drove home but I didn't remember doing it. I felt like my feelings weren't my own. I sat in the car for a minute, Zoe watching me. I knew what was going on. It was what used to happen to me when I went too long without a fag. It was called depersonalisation. I got out the car, got the bags and put them in the hall.
"I need to think. I'll be back down soon," I said, but it was like someone else was saying it. I nodded in response to my own comment.
I walked up the stairs and went into my old room. I shut the door and sat down. I automatically reached for a fag. I lit it and put it in between my lips. The feeling of being someone else went away after a while.
"What have I done?" I whispered to myself, barely more than a whisper.
I heard footsteps outside the door but no one tried to come in. Suddenly Riley was stood in front of me. He was glaring down at me. His eyes were practically on fire.
"What the fuck are you doing, Ace?" he asked, barely containing his anger.
I just smiled to myself and laughed once.