I hated it. All of it. I didn't want any of it to happen, none of it. I couldn't help it though. I could never help what I did, not for a decade at least.
I stopped counting the years a long time ago. My friends used to laugh at me, and my hesitation around girls. It wasn't that I was nervous around girls, it was their smell. They smelt so much better than guys.
I guess it was also because all of it happened because of a girl. I was on a lad's holiday, in Ibiza when it happened. God, she was gorgeous. Her face always haunted me after that. I wanted to find her, to make her pay. But I couldn't. It drove me insane at first. I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was losing it. I guess I sort of did.
"Cheer up, you little sod," said Darran opposite me. I glared at him as the bus rolled to a stop.
"Leave me alone," I moaned at him.
"God, Ace, I'm just trying to help," he muttered, turning away from me.
"Well, you're not," I hissed.
Silence settled again. We weren't really going anywhere. I just needed to get away. We'd hopped on the first bus, with no direction in mind. I didn't even know where the bus was going, just that it went right across the country.
"Did you see where Riley went?" Darran asked.
I pointed in the direction of my friend. I didn't need to look to see he had a beautiful young woman on his knee. He was whispering in her ear, making her giggle quietly. He smiled at me, his eyes turning black. He was teasing me, like he always did. I could never have sat that close to her - I was having trouble just sat in the bus as it was.
I heard Darran pass a thought to Riley. Save some for me, was the thought. Riley laughed in his head. No chance, was his reply. I scowled. Darran looked at me.
"Ace, if you don't cheer up I'm going to lock you in the bathroom," he said.
"Darran, I'm tired, okay? I just want to be left alone," I responded.
"Go to sleep then."
"I mean, I'm tired of all of this. All the constant running, your stupid little remarks, I'm fucking sick of it all."
"I know. So am I. We just have to carry on, like we always do."
"Bite me." I wasn't in a good mood at all, as you can probably tell.
"I would but it would kill me," he laughed. A few people turned around and gave us an odd look.
I pulled my hood up and sat with my back against the wall, spreading out across the seats. Darran put his feet up on the table between us. I watched Riley with the girl. They looked about the same age, though he was undoubtedly older than her, by at least a decade. He still looked nineteen though. We all did.
"Hey Ace. Ace. Ace. Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace," he said repeatedly. I closed my eyes, trying to block him out. Eventually I just gave in.
"What?!" I growled, glaring at him.
"Up yours." He grinned.