"You should talk to him." Mary tells me.
"I don't know what to say!" I grumbles as I walk home alone.
"The truth?" She suggests.
"How can I just tell him I cheated on him?" I explode.
"Just admit it."
"I don't know... How will he react? I don't want to lose him..."
"Well, I was there before him for one." She states, but without any pride or anything. She just states facts. "And he and I also did things."
"But you didn't go that far with him."
She looks down at the ground and she dissapear a minute later. I walk back home brooding and spending the whole time demeaning myself for what I've done. Lou puts up with my shit all the time but the first chance I got, I knifed him in the back...
I just wave hi to my mom and dad and head downstair under their worried looks. I barricade myself in my bedroom and crash down on my bed.
I'm a horrible guy...
I don't deserve to be with Lou...
All I do is endanger and hurt him...
"We should break up, for his sake... If he stay with me, he'll just be hurt even more than he already has been..." I mutters my eyes tearing up in shame.
I feel the weight of another body on the bed. I know it's Mary.
"Grey, What do I mean to you?"
"I..." I take a moment to think about it before continuing. "I don't know anymore... I still love you. But I also love Lou."
"Then, you should be with him. Not me."
I look up to her, wiping my eyes clean. "What are you talking about?"
"We've had our chance to be together. It's Lucas' turn to be with you now."
"What about you?"
"I'll stay here. But as a friend... Unless maybe Lou accepts me too one day. Until then, I'll wait."
"You can't say that..."
She puts one of her fingers on my lips. "You've stuck by me for two years, two years where I was nothing more than hatred... I don't want you to return like this. Not ever... Even if that means I have to leave you."
I look down to the floor, tears comming back flowing like waterfalls. "I'm such an asshole... A selfish prick."
Using her hand, she moves the hair obscuring my face away she then kisses my forehead. "You're alive, you're young and you've been hurt before. You need to learn to trust yourself Grey and let yourself be happy without feeling guilt."
"But I can't abandon you... Not after all of this."
"You aren't doing so. I'm giving you my blessing. For now at the very least, it's no longer my time to be with you. It's time for you to live for real, Lou's the one you need. He's your medicine."
"My medicine?" I let out a dry chuckle.
"He's the one who heals your wounds, those that were never filled since I died."
She took my head in her hands, kissed my forehead again and she whispered "Sleep now, you'll talk tommorow."